Dawgs and Monsters

Todays picks

2012-01-08T10:38:00.002-05:00

Atlanta @ NY Giants (-3)
NY
Well, I am a Falcons fan so I will not pretend to be biased on this game. Most analysts are conflicted with this game and with good reason. The Falcons have beat all the teams they were supposed to beat (except Tampa Bay early on) and lost to the good teams they have played. The Falcons have the superior running game although Turner has lost much of the explosiveness he once possessed and have an O-Line that is weak against the pass rush which is NY's strength. I am not going to blabber on anymore about the other players or my reasoning involved because I don't care to. Believe me or not is the bottom line.

Atlanta 31
NY Giants 20

Pittsburgh(-9) @ Denver

Pittsburgh 24
Denver 13

(Not confident on the spread but take the over 33)

NFL Wild Card Picks + BCS Championship pick

2012-01-07T12:26:00.002-05:00

After an entertaining season of Football we are down to the final games. Here are my picks for the games of this weekend plus the BCS title game.

Cinci @ Houston(-3)

Neither of these teams have any real chance to contend for the Super Bowl or even survive the next round. The Texans have the NFL's 2nd best running attack and a defense that has played well all season. This is the franchise's first trip to the playoffs so the fans will be as loud as they have been all season. The Bengals have been somewhat of a surprise with rookies Andy Dalton and A.J. Green performing at a high level and having an adequate running game with Cedric Benson rushing for slightly over 1000 yards. Intrestingly, with the AFC North being so strong this year, both wild cards came from this division with the Bengals beating all nine non playoff teams they met this season and losing all seven games to teams in the tourney. I am a bit hesitant on this game because both teams have inexperienced quarterbacks with T.J. Yates actually having a seperated shoulder and is one big hit away from being benched for the relic of ineptitude Jake Delhomne.
Nevertheless, I believe that Dalton will continue to regress and have some jitters on this big a stage and believe that Houston's dual back running game will gash Cinci enough while its stout defense comes up with enough plays to win and cover.

Houston 24
Cincinatti 16

Detroit @ New Orleans (-10.5) ov/under 59.5

This game has the makings of an offensive shootout with two prolific offenses. For various reasons I do not totally wish to over-analyse this game or what I have noticed about both teams. This is how I perceive the game proceeding- Saints make some big plays and get a lead, Detroit makes a big error- likely an interception and fall behind by 14-21 points. Saints become more conservative and Detroit rallies to get back into the game late. Saints hold on and put it away. I predict a Saints win but believe the point spread could go either way as the final margin will be between 6-14 points. I do feel confident in the over 59.5 though.

New Orleans 45
Detroit 37

I will get to the other games in the next post.

Resolution for myself

2012-01-01T22:40:00.002-05:00

Its a new year and I plan on resurrecting this site with semi-regular posts for the coming year. Lets see if this actually occurs.

Blooger Time

2011-01-18T12:43:00.001-05:00

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker! The WBCOOP is a free online Poker tournament open to all Bloggers, so register on WBCOOP to play.

Registration code: XXXXXX
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247455

NFC/AFC predictions

2011-01-18T12:38:00.002-05:00

In the AFC the Steelers are a team built around run-stuffing D and schoolyard offense with Big Ben improvising. They will try to make Sanchez beat them while trying to protect Ben with a akeshift and undermanned O-Line. While I do not trust Sanchez, he has better skill players around him and I think the Jets will have a good Defensive gameplan and will throw alot more blitzes in the mix this week. Ben has only 5 picks all season. He adds 2 more this game and the Jets squeak by.

Jets 17 Steelers 13

Green Bay is on a tear with Aaron Rodgers playing like Steve Young in his prime crossed with Marino. The Bears better hope for a rainy windy day because if they don't get it they will be exposed. The forecast is for a Sunny, clear day in the low 20's.

Green Bay 31 Chicago 14

Lil" Wayne

2009-04-10T20:28:00.002-04:00

I used not to like him. Now I give him respect. He may not be the greatest rapper but he can poke fun at himself and he has fun. Hard not to like a guy like that. Also he beat the ESPN analysts in the tourney challenge. Didn't beat me but I ain't gonna hold that against him. Lil' Wayne you come a long way from the hotboys although you need to reconcile with Juve. Good shit man. Cantseefade out-

Super Bowl Preview

2009-02-01T14:53:00.002-05:00

Pittsburgh (-7) vs. Arizona

I have watched alot of football in sports bars in my life. And with the possible exception of Eagles fans I can say that Steeler fans are the most annoying NFL fans I have had to deal with. There appear at any bar in any city and they are arrogant and talk alot of shit. I will be rooting for the Cardinals in this game. With that said, Arizona has a mediocre defense and not much of a running game. Pittsburgh has a stifling defense but is uncharacteristically weak in the running game and in pass protection. I see Pittsburgh winning the turnover battle with Warner fumbling at least once and throwing at least one INT and winning in fairly decisive fashion.

Pittsburgh 26 Arizona 13

MVP: Troy Polamalu

Spaghetti Junction

2009-01-27T15:50:00.002-05:00

Not sippin on yak but the junkies round here are also on that crack, rumble tumble in the concrete jungle, squiggling like worms under the tuscany sky till the deity or demon fills his belly with your soul when you die. ATL is but one out of a million cities just like marissa miller has one pair out of 8 billion titties its the quality not the quantity like the diamond named hope, but its hard to breathe or cope surrounded by the zombie hordes on the dope. Makes one want to fly like a bird or plane to outer space or another plane before the world drives us all insane, but then we blend in, not even sure what message I'm sendin' even though I want to be a boss I'm just another noodle in the sauce.

Come play with the pros.....

2009-01-24T11:44:00.002-05:00

Full Tilt Poker Game #10218247627: Table Guidance (6 max) - $30/$60 - Limit Omaha H/L - 2:50:57 ET - 2009/01/24Seat 3: Jennifer Harman ($1,332.50)Seat 4: xmrstyle ($1,078)Seat 5: cantseefade ($2,019.50)Seat 6: PureLuck132 ($1,836.50)Jennifer Harman posts the small blind of $15xmrstyle posts the big blind of $30The button is in seat #6
*** HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to cantseefade [5d 6d 7h 6h]
Paymyfees3145 (Observer): jen do u think that corie zeidman slowrolled u with the str8 fllush at the wsop cos they were talking about it on poker after dark
cantseefade raises to $60
PureLuck132 folds
Jennifer Harman raises to $90
xmrstyle foldscantseefade calls $30
*** FLOP *** [Kh 8h Ah]
Jennifer Harman bets $30
cantseefade raises to $60
Jennifer Harman calls $30
*** TURN *** [Kh 8h Ah] [4s]
Jennifer Harman checks
cantseefade bets $60Jennifer Harman calls $60
*** RIVER *** [Kh 8h Ah 4s] [Jd]
Jennifer Harman checks
cantseefade bets $60
Jennifer Harman calls $60
*** SHOW DOWN ***
cantseefade shows [5d 6d 7h 6h] a flush, Ace high, for high and 8,6,5,4,A, for low
Jennifer Harman mucks
cantseefade wins the high pot ($284) with a flush, Ace high
cantseefade wins the low pot ($284) with 8,6,5,4,A
*** SUMMARY ***Total pot $570
Rake $2
Board: [Kh 8h Ah 4s Jd]
Seat 3: Jennifer Harman (small blind) mucked [Ad 7s 5h Ac] - HI: three of a kind, Aces; LO: 8,7,5,4,AS
eat 4: xmrstyle (big blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 5: cantseefade showed [5d 6d 7h 6h] and won ($568) with HI: a flush, Ace high; LO: 8,6,5,4,A
Seat 6: PureLuck132 (button) didn't bet (folded)

For the Record

2009-01-10T13:31:00.003-05:00

Baltimore @ Tennessee (-3): Anyone who knows anything about football understands what type of a game this will be. Two similarly built football teams with outstanding defenses, suspect passing games, and a propensity to run the ball the majority of the time. While Ed Reeds transcendent play strongly makes me want to side with the Ravens, I have a hard time getting past the fact that B'More has a rookie QB while Tennessee has a proven veteran in Kerry Collins. Going with my head rather than my heart here I have to go with the better rested home team.

Titans 20 Ravens 16

Arizona @ Carolina (-10): Pretty straightforward pick here, the Panthers have a dominant running attack and the best WR in the game today in Steve Smith. While Jake Delhomme has struggled and is serviceable at best, the Cardinals' inability to stop the run (last week notwithstanding... grrrrrrr) and tendency to become one-dimensional should make this a fairly easy win. The only way the Cardinals have a chance in my view would be if Arizona jumps out to an early lead somehow and is able to keep the Panthers on their toes by a resurgent game from Edge. Did I mention that Carolina is 8-0 at home though? Take the Panthers and give the points.

Carolina 31 Arizona 15

Philly @ NY Giants (-4): This is a difficult game to predict as the Eagles are surging and the Giants are lacking playmakers in their passing game. I have never really respected Eli Manning and he proved me wrong last year. Lets see if he can do it again, Westbrook gets over 175 total yards and Eagles pull out a close one.

Eagles 27 Giants 23

San Diego @ Pittsburgh (-6): While Pittsburgh doesn't really seem to have much oomph in their offense with a poor OL and a surprisingly futile running game, they also have the top-rated D in the NFL and a team that really just seems to go about their business in a truly professional manner. The same cannot be said for the Chargers whose coach is a joke and star player who has finally begun to show his age and is injured. This of course, is actually a boon for San Diego as Sproles is a far more dangerous player at this point. Lets chalk this one up to Home field advantage, coaching, and intangibles.

Steelers 17 Chargers 10

it's that time again

2008-12-08T21:16:00.001-05:00

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This PokerStars tournament is a No Limit Texas Hold’em event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code:
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552133

Nice Score!

2008-07-14T03:15:00.002-04:00

Perhaps one day I will write something worth reading (again?) but this was enough to make my Sunday evening quite enjoyable.

PokerStars Tournament #94708143, Limit Omaha Hi/LoBuy-In: $200.00/$15.00279 playersTotal Prize Pool: $55800.00Tournament started - 2008/07/13 - 20:30:00 (ET)

Dear cantseefade,
You finished the tournament in 1st place.A $10,881.00 award has been credited to your Real Money account.
You earned 551.47 tournament leader points in this tournament.For information about our tournament leader board, see our web site athttp://www.pokerstars.com/poker/tournaments/leader-board/
Congratulations!Thank you for participating.

Seriously?

2008-05-25T15:45:00.002-04:00

PokerStars Game #17684665858: Tournament #88888888, 5000FPP Hold'em No Limit - Level VII (150/300) - 2008/05/25 - 15:42:18 (ET)Table '88888888 784' 9-max Seat #6 is the button
Seat 1: cantseefade (5465 in chips)
Seat 2: Prom Queens (3135 in chips)
Seat 3: xxDÖRNCHENxx (4940 in chips)
Seat 4: klypa (895 in chips) is sitting out
Seat 5: AAlbator (4000 in chips) S
eat 6: zakwilliams (13350 in chips)
Seat 7: iMTHaDoCTA (645 in chips) is sitting out
Seat 8: messerone (7770 in chips)
Seat 9: loatus (4030 in chips)
cantseefade: posts the ante 25
Prom Queens: posts the ante 25
xxDÖRNCHENxx: posts the ante 25
klypa: posts the ante 25
AAlbator: posts the ante 25
zakwilliams: posts the ante 25
iMTHaDoCTA: posts the ante 25
messerone: posts the ante 25
loatus: posts the ante 25
iMTHaDoCTA: posts small blind 150
messerone: posts big blind 300
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to cantseefade [9s As]
loatus: folds
cantseefade: calls 300
Prom Queens: folds
xxDÖRNCHENxx: folds
klypa: folds AAlbator: folds
zakwilliams: calls 300
iMTHaDoCTA: folds
messerone: checks
*** FLOP *** [6c 8s 9h]
messerone: bets 1200
cantseefade: raises 1800 to 3000
zakwilliams: folds messerone: raises 1800 to 4800
cantseefade: raises 340 to 5140 and is all-in
messerone: calls 340
xxDÖRNCHENxx said, "lol you are really good"
*** TURN *** [6c 8s 9h] [8d]
*** RIVER *** [6c 8s 9h 8d] [Jh]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
messerone: shows [Jc Ad] (two pair, Jacks and Eights)
cantseefade: shows [9s As] (two pair, Nines and Eights)
messerone collected 11555 from pot

They were who we thought they were......

2008-02-12T18:57:00.000-05:00

PokerStars Game #15243312506: Omaha Pot Limit ($0.25/$0.50)
Table 'Aase III' 6-max Seat #5 is the button
Seat 1: Seifenblasen ($50 in chips)
Seat 2: cantseefade ($90.55 in chips)
Seat 3: N0 MA'AM ($113.75 in chips)
Seat 5: Valdemaros ($53.95 in chips)
Seat 6: pbford1 ($114.70 in chips)
pbford1: posts small blind $0.25S
eifenblasen: posts big blind $0.50
cantseefade said, "i know"
*** HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to cantseefade [Ks Qh 8h 9s]
cantseefade: calls $0.50
N0 MA'AM: folds
Valdemaros: raises $1.75 to $2.25
pbford1: calls $2
Seifenblasen: folds
cantseefade: calls $1.75
*** FLOP *** [6s 3s As]
pbford1: checks
cantseefade: checks
Valdemaros: bets $5.50
pbford1: calls $5.50
cantseefade: raises $8.50 to $14
Valdemaros: calls $8.50
pbford1: calls $8.50
*** TURN *** [6s 3s As] [7c]
pbford1: checks
cantseefade: bets $47.25
Valdemaros: calls $37.70 and is all-in
pbford1: calls $47.25
*** RIVER *** [6s 3s As 7c] [3c]
pbford1: bets $51.20 and is all-inc
antseefade said, "mutha****"
cantseefade said, "9k spades"
cantseefade: folds
*** SHOW DOWN ***
pbford1: shows [Kd 6c 6d Tc] (a full house, Sixes full of Threes)
pbford1 collected $19.10 from side pot
Valdemaros: shows [7s Ad 5s Ac] (a full house, Aces full of Threes)
Valdemaros collected $160.35 from main pot
*** SUMMARY ***Total pot $181.45 Main pot $160.35. Side pot $19.10. Rake $2
Board [6s 3s As 7c 3c]
Seat 1: Seifenblasen (big blind) folded before Flop
Seat 2: cantseefade folded on the River
Seat 3: N0 MA'AM folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 5: Valdemaros (button) showed [7s Ad 5s Ac] and won ($160.35) with a full house, Aces full of Threes
Seat 6: pbford1 (small blind) showed [Kd 6c 6d Tc] and won ($19.10) with a full house, Sixes full of Threes

2008 NFL Playoffs- Wild Card Round

2008-01-04T18:35:00.000-05:00

Here at DaM we like to put shit on the record, may it please the court with all due respect. So with that being said, here are the predictions.

Washington vs. Seattle

Seattle has a broke down RB in Shaun Alexander and has become a one-dimensional passing team that has adequate, but not great receivers. Hasselbeck however, despite his unfortunate hair loss, is a very good QB. Washington has been riding a wave of emotion after the death of Sean Taylor. This is a tough game to call, but every wave must crash and I see Seattle prevailing provided they can stop the Skins running game. Todd Collins has been overachieving and I don't see that continuing. I will be rooting for the Skins though.

Prediction: Seattle 24 Washington 16

Jacksonville vs, Pittsburgh

Jacksonville, a southern team playing in what will likely be frigid conditions on the road in Pittsburgh is currently a 2 pt. favorite against the Steelers. The reason is because they beat Pittsburgh there in Heinz just a couple of weeks ago, and now Pittsburgh is without Willie Parker, who was leading the NFL in rushing yards before he broke his leg. While that makes sense, it will not happen in my view. Garrard has played well this year and has shown the decision to release Leftwich was the correct one. With that said, his receivers are below average and Pitt will shut down their run this time around. Hines Ward will come up big along with Big Ben and Davenport (who has actually outperformed Parker this year) will provide a more physical runner when Pitt chooses to use him.

Prediction: Pittsburgh 28 Jacksonville 13

Tennessee vs. San Diego

Roydell Williams, the Titans' best receiver, is out for the season after breaking his ankle. Young may also be out (which may actually benefit the Titans) allowing Kerry "don't call your receivers dumb niggers" Collins to start. While I don't have faith in or like Phillip Rivers, this game ain't gonna be like the war these two teams waged a few weeks back. This will be a rout.

Prediction: San Diego 34 Tennessee 7

Tampa Bay vs. NY Giants

This is a pretty good matchup. The Giants have the vastly superior offensive (and arguably defensive) talent. The Giants also acquitted themselves quite well last week against the Pats. Nevertheless, the Giants are soft and are playing on the road. I am having visions of the Bucs defense picking off and sacking Eli repeatedly.

Prediction: Tampa Bay 27 New York 17

Gimme two puffs, hit the joint then give my bomb back

2007-11-01T16:44:00.000-04:00

Hey, make this right mane... into night of the living baseheads
Your train of thought ain't original just retreads
The past is nothing more than a frame of reference, time to piss on the idols and end the reverance
Burning Washingtons to keep warm like his troops at Valley Forge
Burying the starved corpses iverson height deep, letting the worms gorge
Aircraft destroyed game over Police lying case bound over
President Red Rover send some more body bags over
And he replied he had been going through the same things that we had
But he has more troops than the average fool but not enough sense to last him to the next week like we all live check to check, so I guess its all our necks.

Grimace and Santa Claus

2007-10-26T14:41:00.000-04:00

At first blush, it seems an amorphous, asexual purple blob makes an unlikely spokesman for the most prolific fast food restaurant in the World. Even odder is the motley crew surrounding him: An admitted criminal (Hamburglar), the Pennywise/John Wayne Gacy lookalike (Ronald), and other Lovecraftianesque horrors (Fry-Guys, Iam Hungry, Mayor McCheese).
Similarly, a fat old man living in the arctic wastelands of the world flanked only by an enslaved army of halflings doesn't seem to have a great deal to do with the birth of the immortal savior of our world. That both characters are illusions created by their respective soulless franchises (McDonalds, Christianity), to increase revenue and clientele is obvious. What is not as apparent however, is the reason why these particular images were chosen. Answer: It doesn't fucking matter.
An ad-campaign featuring a sunglass wearing, feces-slinging monkey hurling its waste and then eating a banana before retiring to a bedroom hand in hand with Kirsten Dunst and Jessica Simpson and remarking "The secret is in the peeling" to market Coca-colas' new banana flavored soda would likely be a hit and would be perfectly accepted by viewers. What is the point of all of this? Consumers today can accept whatever entirely random and chaotic circumstances are thrown at them. It doesn't have to make sense for it to happen. Sometimes it just does.

UGA 31
Florida 21

GO DAWGS!!!!

Playskool bucket

2007-10-09T16:26:00.000-04:00

Lap at the filthy puddles mangy dogs. The heart of the nation will never be sheared with the stake, thus ending the endless feeding. The pain of the human condition nourishes the psyche, gluttons feast and feast, not quelling the appetite, but causing it to grow exponentially. It is not hunger in the true sense that drives the beast but desire to rule, to conquer, to sit upon a throne of skulls as the howls of the lesser inhabitants soothe our ears. Such behavior, while unsavory to the philosophers, satisfies the calls of the economists, generals and moonshiners. Suicide is not killing one's own body but one's own soul, and as such, we knock our own sandcastle down before the tide can reach it as playtime is nearly over and the shadows have begun to fall across the beach.

2007-10-06T22:38:00.001-04:00

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This Online Poker Tournament is a No Limit Texas Holdem event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code: 8473342

Pain

2007-04-26T00:08:00.000-04:00

PokerStars Game #9610613353: Omaha Pot Limit ($0.50/$1.00) - 2007/04/26 - 00:01:47 (ET)Table 'Kresak II' 6-max
Seat #3 is the button
Seat 2: PluSkuBatch ($52 in chips)
Seat 3: Wodka1972 ($704.40 in chips)
Seat 4: XXCKXX ($95 in chips)
Seat 5: NORDIQUEKK ($70.25 in chips)
Seat 6: cantseefade ($78.05 in chips)
XXCKXX: posts small blind $0.50
NORDIQUEKK: posts big blind $1
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to cantseefade [Ah 5d Ac 6h]
cantseefade: calls $1
PluSkuBatch: folds
Wodka1972: folds
XXCKXX: calls $0.50
NORDIQUEKK: checks
*** FLOP *** [9h As Qs]
XXCKXX: checks
NORDIQUEKK: bets $1
cantseefade: raises $3 to $4
XXCKXX: calls $4
NORDIQUEKK: folds
*** TURN *** [9h As Qs] [4d]
XXCKXX: bets $11.45
cantseefade: raises $34.35 to $45.80
XXCKXX: raises $44.20 to $90 and is all-inc
antseefade: calls $27.25 and is all-in
*** RIVER *** [9h As Qs 4d] [Qd]
*** SHOW DOWN ***XXCKXX: shows [Kh 3c Qh Qc] (four of a kind, Queens)
cantseefade: shows [Ah 5d Ac 6h] (a full house, Aces full of Queens)
XXCKXX collected $156.10 from pot
cantseefade said, "unreal"
Wodka1972 said, "wow"

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly......

2007-03-20T23:02:00.000-04:00

Let's start with a good hand from tonight's play.....

PokerStars Game #9005066723: Omaha Pot Limit ($0.25/$0.50) - 2007/03/20 - 20:08:15 (ET)Table 'Matra II' 6-max Seat #4 is the button
Seat 1: King Acehole ($49.25 in chips)
Seat 2: cantseefade ($40.75 in chips)
Seat 3: VETDRIVER ($154.90 in chips)
Seat 4: btown16 ($50 in chips)
Seat 5: MadtownMoney ($63.45 in chips)
Seat 6: mike2379 ($48 in chips)
MadtownMoney: posts small blind $0.25mike2379: posts big blind $0.50
*** HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to cantseefade [Qd Qs Ks Ac]
King Acehole: folds
cantseefade: raises $1 to $1.50
VETDRIVER: calls $1.50
btown16: folds
MadtownMoney: calls $1.25
mike2379: folds
*** FLOP *** [Js As Ts]
MadtownMoney: checks
cantseefade: bets $1
VETDRIVER: calls $1
MadtownMoney: folds
*** TURN *** [Js As Ts] [Ad]
cantseefade: bets $5
VETDRIVER: calls $5
*** RIVER *** [Js As Ts Ad] [4c]
cantseefade: bets $16.20V
ETDRIVER: raises $16.20 to $32.40
cantseefade: raises $0.85 to $33.25 and is all-in
VETDRIVER: calls $0.85
*** SHOW DOWN ***
cantseefade: shows [Qd Qs Ks Ac] (a Royal Flush)
VETDRIVER: mucks hand
cantseefade collected $80.50 from pot

Nice little hand huh..... now lets see how I can go from chip leader in a 180 person tourney with 79 left to going out in 78th place all in the space of two hands......

PokerStars Game #9007880171: Tournament #45788643, $20+$2 Hold'em No Limit - Level V (75/150) - 2007/03/20 - 22:53:14 (ET)Table '45788643 17' 9-max Seat #4 is the button
Seat 1: monsoon654 (2655 in chips)
Seat 2: kw31 (5597 in chips)
Seat 3: michaelz6 (4273 in chips)
Seat 4: ecu1984 (4360 in chips)
Seat 5: 2pac4sure (1345 in chips)
Seat 6: All Donk (795 in chips)
Seat 7: cantseefade (9565 in chips)
Seat 8: Pavy94 (945 in chips)
2pac4sure: posts small blind 75All Donk: posts big blind 150
*** HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to cantseefade [Js Ac]
cantseefade: raises 300 to 450
Pavy94: folds
monsoon654: folds
kw31: folds
michaelz6: raises 600 to 1050
ecu1984: folds
2pac4sure: folds
All Donk: folds
cantseefade: calls 600
*** FLOP *** [5s 7d Ah]
cantseefade: bets 900
michaelz6: raises 1200 to 2100
cantseefade: raises 1950 to 4050
cantseefade said, "QQ no good"
michaelz6: calls 1123 and is all-in
*** TURN *** [5s 7d Ah] [Qh]
*** RIVER *** [5s 7d Ah Qh] [Ts]
*** SHOW DOWN ***cantseefade: shows [Js Ac] (a pair of Aces)
michaelz6: shows [Qs Qd] (three of a kind, Queens)
michaelz6 collected 8771 from pot

I figured he had JJ-KK based on his reraise of me and was trying to induce a call with my betting pattern and little barb in which I accurately called out his hand. Here is the following hand in which my nemesis eliminates me....

PokerStars Game #9007906487: Tournament #45788643, $20+$2 Hold'em No Limit - Level V (75/150) - 2007/03/20 - 22:54:45 (ET)Table '45788643 17' 9-max Seat #5 is the button
Seat 1: monsoon654 (2655 in chips)
Seat 2: kw31 (5597 in chips)
Seat 3: michaelz6 (8771 in chips)
Seat 4: ecu1984 (4360 in chips)
Seat 5: 2pac4sure (1270 in chips)
Seat 6: All Donk (645 in chips)
Seat 7: cantseefade (5292 in chips)
Seat 8: Pavy94 (945 in chips)
All Donk: posts small blind 75cantseefade: posts big blind 150
*** HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to cantseefade [Ad Ac]
cantseefade said, "well it wasn't at the time"
Pavy94: folds
monsoon654: folds
kw31: folds
michaelz6: raises 150 to 300
ecu1984: folds
2pac4sure: folds
All Donk: folds
cantseefade: raises 750 to 1050
michaelz6: calls 750
*** FLOP *** [3h Qc 7s]
cantseefade: bets 450
michaelz6: calls 450
*** TURN *** [3h Qc 7s] [9h]
cantseefade: bets 750
michaelz6: raises 750 to 1500
cantseefade: raises 2292 to 3792 and is all-in
michaelz6: calls 2292
*** RIVER *** [3h Qc 7s 9h] [6d]
*** SHOW DOWN ***cantseefade: shows [Ad Ac] (a pair of Aces)
michaelz6: shows [Qd 9d] (two pair, Queens and Nines)
michaelz6 collected 10659 from pot

In hindsight.... I'd play them shits the same way.

Super Bowl Preview

2007-01-30T14:12:00.000-05:00

While the Super Bowl is primarily about gorging on food and alcohol while watching commercials that cost millions to air, there is also a game played in which billions are wagered. Lets focus on that.....

Indianapolis (-7) vs. Chicago

Passing Offense: The Colts have one of the most prolific and consistent passing attacks of all time. Peyton Manning leads his team in a very precise and efficient manner although there are questions about how he will react on such a big stage when his previous big game experience has been less than stellar. I believe he will play pretty well (15-24 for 260 with 1 TD and 1 INT or so), but may be limited by a lack of possession brought on by the Bears rushing and short passing attack.
The Bears have a much more limited passing attack with both a lack of quality receivers and an inexperienced and inaccurate QB. The Bears will likely utilize a scaled-down offense focusing on short dumps to the backs and passes to the TE. An occasional deep-ball to Musin will break up this monotony and the results of these deep shots (which Rex throws surprisingly accurately) may determine the final outcome of the game.

Rushing Offense: The Colts have had a more potent rushing attack than the Bears, and have been even better over the second half of the season since they made the decision to make Addai their primary back and use Rhodes as a change-of-pace guy. The Colts however, limped to the finish line this season with a loss to the Texans as well as a near loss against Miami. Inside the numbers, their rushing attack has also been far less effective on grass fields and on the road away from the friendly confines of Indy where they were undefeated.
The Bears have a nice two back combo with Benson and Jones. The Bears stick to the traditional mantra of run it till they stop ya and I fully expect this philosophy to continue on Sunday as they attempt to milk clock, keep the ball out of Peyton's hands and exploit the Colts greatest weakness (run defense) all by essentially playing smashmouth football. The Colts ability to stop the Bears' rushing attack without stacking eight in the box on 1st and 2nd downs is the most important variable in handicapping the game.

Defense: The Colts have a decent defense that has played quite well during the playoffs. Their major drawback is of course their run-stopping ability (or lack thereof) which made them the laughingstock of the league for several weeks, primarily after Jacksonville "exposed" them by gashing them for over 300 yards rushing in a blowout win. Indy has played much better of late, especially in impressive wins vs. Baltimore and the Chiefs during their playoff run. The catalyst seems to be the return of Bob Sanders who the team seems to feed off of.
The Bears have one of the top two defenses in the league (Baltimore) and are especially deep with the fastest LB duo in the league and a ball-hawking secondary. The only weakness they have shown is an inability to stop the run in some games. While extremely fast, they are slightly undersized up the gut and can be exploited in that manner by some teams. Fortunately for them, the Colts favor traps and runs to the outside which will play right into their strengths. The Colts will have an extremely hard time establishing the run against Chicago.

Special Teams: The Colts have a strong kick and punt return attack but struggle at stopping other teams at times. They also have Adam Vinateri who is the greatest clutch kicker of all time. The Bears have Devin Hester who is usually good for one or two huge returns a game. I would expect this trend to continue with Hester breaking at least one return for 50+ yards at some point. They also have a solid kicker.

Overall: If this game was played on turf I would pick the Colts in a blowout. Due to the location and the fact it is being played on grass however, makes this a much closer game. The Bears plan of attack coincides with the Colts' greatest weakness, and this is another key factor. I see this as being a very closely contested game where a final drive may decide the outcome. Either a Manning touchdown for the win or a pickoff by the Bears to ice the game. For those of you playing monopoly money on the game, I would recommend a small wager on the Bears to win coupled with a much larger bet on the Bears to cover as this is not the type of team likely to be beaten by more than a touchdown on a grass field.

Prediction: Colts 28 Bears 23

Quick NFL picks

2007-01-06T12:44:00.000-05:00

Colts (-7) vs. Chiefs: Everyone is expecting this game to be a high scoring affair with LJ ripping through the Colts like a knife through warm butter while Manning picks apart the Chiefs suspect secondary. I somewhat agree with these assesments but think that the Colts D will step up a bit and the Colts will mix in a bit more of Addai and Rhodes than people think.
Prediction: Colts 31 Chiefs 21

Seahawks (-3) vs. Cowboys: This is a hard game to call. Both teams have had split personalities all year. Alexander is finally healthy but the Cowboys have a very good run D. Their pass D however, will be exposed as Holmgren will run a 4 WR set early and often in this one. Romo's inexperience will also come into play as the Hawks possess a decent pass rush and will force him into some fumble or Ints. Owens will likely burn the Seahawks once or twice but it won't be enough.
Prediction: Seahawks 24 Cowboys 17

Patriots (-8.5) vs. Jets: The Jets have had a miracle season of sorts and Mangini has done a superb job coaching his team up. They have a stout D that could cause the Pats some problems, especially if they can establish the run themselves and open things up for Pennington and his spaghetti arm. I see a close Pats win with the Jets covering.
Prediction: Pats 21 Jets 17

Eagles (-7) vs. Giants: Upset special. The Giants have underachieved all year, but I suspect they are going to play with no pressure and Eli will step up. Add in a 150+ yard performance from Tiki and you got yourself an upset over Jeff "smells like a rat" Garcia.
Prediction: Giants 30 Eagles 20

* These are for entertainment purposes only folks.

Paranoia

2006-12-19T01:01:00.000-05:00

They are coming for me.
The creatures at the edge of my vision.
For years they have silently crept.
Taunting me yet scurrying away when I turn my gaze.
Waiting for the weakness to set in.
Vultures circling.
Hungry rats watching the starving man writhe.
Biding their time.
One day they will pour upon me.
And devour me whole.
But the truth is they were never at the edge of my vision.
They grew up through the heart of my mind.
Growing.
Gathering Strength.
Like a Cancer.
Until my mind is enveloped.
And the eyes glaze over.
Not yet.
Maybe not soon.
But one day.
But before that day.
I will get them.

Insects Swatted

2006-11-27T00:52:00.000-05:00

How embarrasing must it be for Georgia Tech fans to crawl back to their tiny, filthy dorm rooms after a weekend of witnessing what a real college town is all about, and witnessing their archrival beat them in a year where Tech was supposedly the class of the ACC and Georgia was rebuilding. It must really sting to return from Athens with the jeers and insults echoing in their ears from a student body prepared to party all night at the multiple bars and clubs at their disposal while they have but a sullen drive home to look forward to. To lose not five, but SIX consecutive years with yet another senior class graduating having never beat their archrival. Ahhh who am I fooling, Tech students didn't even watch the game, they were too busy playing World of Warcraft and LARPing it up this weekend.

Ritz Crackers, Aggravated Stalking and the Survival Scrolls, Biatch.

2006-08-29T23:26:00.000-04:00

Ritz Crackers are good, especially in chili. Sometimes the chili... hey wait a minute, I come IN THE NAME OF JESUS BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT BIATCH! What you say, you COME IN THE NAME IF SATAN! HA... HA.... HOUSE NIGGA. If your GOD comes in the name of JESUS of course a POPO lovin HOUSE NIGGA gonna have to come in the NAME of SATAN then huh? IGNORANT ASS HOES BETTER GET TO READIN THEM SURVIVAL SCROLLS!!

Educate your self, become one of the 144,000 before it is too late.

Parable

2006-06-05T18:10:00.000-04:00

The Scorpion And The Frog

Scorpion needs to cross the river but he can only get across on the back of Frog.
“I’m not sure“, says Frog, “How do I know you won’t sting me?”
“Why would I do that, I’ll drown if I sting you”, replied Scorpion.
Off they went, piggyback-style across the river and as the little Frog predicted Scorpion stung him.
“WTF did you do that for, now we’re both going to die!” wailed Frog.
“Shit” replied Scorpion, as they started to sink “I guess I just can’t help myself, it’s in my nature”.

Tournament

2006-05-24T17:36:00.000-04:00

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This Online Poker Tournament is a No Limit Texas Holdem event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code: 7330476

NBA Finals

2006-05-09T23:40:00.000-04:00

May 9th: Here are my predictions:

Dallas over SA 4-2
Clippers over Suns 4-2

Detroit over Cavs 4-0
Miami over NJ 4-3

Dallas over Clippers 4-1
Detroit over Miami 4-2

Detroit over Dallas 4-2

Krystals

2006-05-02T22:04:00.000-04:00

I've never seen all these hot girls at Krystals as their college ad campaign would have you believe. One time a homeless guy ate my scraps after i threw them away but that doesn't really count. Corn pups and the krystal chicks aren't bad though. I can't even lie. Ok, Real World time. The show that is.

Hatred

2006-04-11T22:37:00.000-04:00

I'm currently watching a movie entitled The Protocols of Zion, which is a documentary about anti-seminism in America. Good flick. I watch the news and the crazy muslims are still pissed off about choosing the most backwards religion and killing themselves and others. I read about the hatred Michael Savage and other turds have for immigrants. I hear about the brewing race wars between hispanics and blacks out west. Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate. Where does this hatred come from? From the mythology that breeds division and teaches intolerance towards other humans because their parents taught them different myths? Perhaps. From a Hobbesian perspective perhaps to wish to dominate our fellow animals causes this behavior. At any rate, this shit is getting old. So is this......

PokerStars Tournament #22629252, Hold'em No Limit - Level VII (100/200)
-Table '22629252 39' 9-max
Seat #4 is the button
Seat 1: cantseefade (13505 in chips)
Seat 2: LittleNan13 (20265 in chips)
Seat 3: MrDrEvil2u (19615 in chips)
Seat 4: kixlover205 (2870 in chips)
Seat 5: suited78 (7359 in chips)
Seat 6: starks13 (13705 in chips)
Seat 7: Lance Beez (14170 in chips)
Seat 8: nemo650 (8085 in chips)
Seat 9: Lynnette (13073 in chips)
HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to cantseefade [Qc Qh]
Lance Beez: raises 800 to 1000
nemo650: calls 1000
Lynnette: folds
cantseefade: raises 12480 to 13480 and is all-in
LittleNan13: folds
MrDrEvil2u: folds
kixlover205: calls 2845 and is all-in
suited78: folds
starks13: folds
Lance Beez: raises 665 to 14145 and is all-in
nemo650: folds
*** FLOP *** [Ks Jd 6d]
*** TURN *** [Ks Jd 6d] [7d]
*** RIVER *** [Ks Jd 6d 7d] [3d]
*** SHOW DOWN ***Lance Beez: shows [Jc Js] (three of a kind, Jacks)
cantseefade: shows [Qc Qh] (a pair of Queens)
Lance Beez collected 21270 from side pot
kixlover205: shows [Kh Ts] (a pair of Kings)
Lance Beez collected 10060 from main pot
*** SUMMARY ***Total pot 31330 Main pot 10060. Side pot 21270.

I HATE THAT SHIT!!!!

My life in a nutshell

2006-03-12T16:49:00.000-05:00

For perspective: 23 people left in a 180 person tourney on Poker Stars. 18 in the money, 1st pays a little over $1 K. This pot would have put me 4th on the money list.

PokerStars Game #4265020303: Tournament #21198220, Hold'em No Limit - Level X (400/800) - 2006/03/12 - 16:45:18 (ET)Table '21198220 2' Seat #5 is the buttonSeat 2: Laser2005 (9310 in chips) Seat 3: DalTex24 (9396 in chips) Seat 4: ColeTrickle4 (10149 in chips) Seat 5: cantseefade (9270 in chips) Seat 6: Jemisis (19083 in chips) Seat 7: cnlkf (10220 in chips) Seat 9: guseppee (23012 in chips) Laser2005: posts the ante 50DalTex24: posts the ante 50ColeTrickle4: posts the ante 50cantseefade: posts the ante 50Jemisis: posts the ante 50cnlkf: posts the ante 50guseppee: posts the ante 50Jemisis: posts small blind 400cnlkf: posts big blind 800

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to cantseefade [Ah Ad]
guseppee: folds
Laser2005: folds
DalTex24: raises 1600 to 2400
ColeTrickle4: folds
cantseefade: calls 2400
Jemisis: folds
cnlkf: folds ***

FLOP *** [9c 2s 7s]
DalTex24: bets 6946 and is all-in
cantseefade: calls 6820 and is all-in***

TURN *** [9c 2s 7s] [Td]
*** RIVER *** [9c 2s 7s Td] [8d]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
DalTex24: shows [6h 6s] (a straight, Six to Ten)
cantseefade: shows [Ah Ad] (a pair of Aces)
DalTex24 collected 19990 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 19990
Rake 0 Board [9c 2s 7s Td 8d]

One Hundred Thirty Seven

2006-03-07T21:37:00.000-05:00

Becoming.

Once I couldn't sleep. I probably slept less than 8 hours in a week. The sleep I got came after hours of tossing and turning and thinking. Brain chemicals firing. I'll probably die of a stroke like Kirby Puckett. Whatever, those things we cannot control. At least not in the short term. But in the long term we are all becoming. But into what?

Once I couldn't sleep. But every day in school I felt sharper and sharper. It got to the point where I could anticipate things coming before they happened. I told someone I was evolving into something else. They laughed. I wasn't joking. Eventually this period passed away and I slept better. The bong tokes and the Simpsons and the bars and the floating. Floating. Drifting with the current of the world. Not swimming against it, just sitting in your float, leaning back, basking in the warmth of the afternoon. For those moments, the day is eternal, you are eternal.

But it ends. Things always end. The candle is extinguished. The last splash of the drink runs down your throat and it is over. You can light another, order another. But the one that you enjoyed, that had been with you is gone. Forever.

Becoming.

I have born witness to all of the sins as well as many of the virtues. All are real and are all good in their place. Strength is what I admire in this world. It comes in many forms, and some cannot even recognize it when they see it. Even from a mound of puke in a park an oak tree may grow. The path of excess leads to the palace of wisdom..... or was it madness? It is of no real importance really as we are all becoming whether we like it or not.

Robbed and Jobbed

2006-02-07T00:04:00.000-05:00

While everyone in the sporting world has already brought it up, I would be remiss to state that the referees made several calls last night that were complete bullshit. As I write this I am watching Ben Rothlisberger shave his beard on Letterman and even he admitted that he didn't score a TD on his 3rd down scramble. Many of these calls were so strange that it was almost as if the fix was on. While the referees did cheat, Holmgren and Jeremy Stevens' ineptitude were also contributing factors to the loss. If I were Paul Allen I would fire Holmgren for his incompetence at the end of both halves. Congratulations to Hines Ward for his MVP although what was up with not mentioning UGA in his introduction? Perhaps he only did this because he doesn't have a degree but it was still a bit of a slight to the South's oldest and most prestigious University. At any rate Football is officially over and I gotta say this NFL season was disappointing with not a lot of exciting games although NCAA football was quite enjoyable (except for the bullshit Sugar Bowl). On a political note, I would expect Fox news to manufacture some national news story about some missing white woman in the next couple of weeks less the public focus too intently on the Constitutional abuses chimpy is committing from his ivory tower in the white house. America has been deeply weakened by this administration and if Jeb Bush is elected in 2008 I would seriously consider moving to Canada because I would be ashamed to be associated with this country anymore. I suppose you have to hit rock bottom before you can pick yourself back up. That is a lesson many well-intentioned people will learn about in the following years who made the mistake of voting for the moron in chief. I'm going to go reread 1984 now. If you voted for Bush, why don't you pick up a copy as well.

The Road Virus heads inward

2006-01-21T22:21:00.000-05:00

What was is no more. Tired from the journey, he sat by the side of the road and reflected on his travels. Much he had seen. Many he had encountered he would never see again. Except in his thoughts. Mingling with demons and ghosts in the haunted house of his mind. While sitting and thinking, the sky opened above him and began to pour rain. He chuckled to himself as he thought of the opening to the generic ghost story... "it was a dark and stormy night." His journey was not over, perhaps not even by half. Like Shang Tzung he absorbed the spirits of vanquished foes and they made him stronger. Well, maybe not vanquished, but left behind. And yet he still trudged ahead. Towards the spectre of his future.

There's no place like home

2006-01-21T11:19:00.000-05:00

Seattle and Denver will cover. That is all.

MLK tribute

2006-01-16T21:56:00.000-05:00

I have a dream that one day this nation will live out the true meaning of its creed: "Ain't nothing finer in the land than a drunk obnoxious Georgia fan." I have a dream that one day on the downtown of Athens the sons and daughters of Georgia will exchange body shots and drunken chants and will pass out together in their beds. I have a dream that in the state of Florida, a barren land, reeking in the stench of the gayturds, will become a state of sorrow where tears plummet from mulleted heads. I have a dream that my children will one day live in a nation where they can wear their red and black and can call themselves national champions. I have a dream today.

Round Two Predictions

2006-01-13T17:32:00.000-05:00

Washington at Seattle: Washington will keep it close early but they will be worn down by the powerful running game and efficient passing of Seattle. Brunell isn't good enough nor does he have the weapons to come back. Seattle wins going away. Prediction: Seattle 34 Washington 13

New England at Denver: New England's defense has played much better towards the end of the year. Of course, their schedule was very easy down the stretch as well. Their secondary is pathetic, and Denver's running game is relentless. Plummer will silence alot of his critics by playing a more efficient game than Brady who will throw 2-3 interceptions. Prediction: Denver 27 New England 21

Carolina at Chicago: I have wavered on this game. At first I was backing Carolina because of their impressive performance last week, their playoff experience, and their proficiency playing on the road. After further thought though, I think Grossman will have a career game (which isn't saying that much), and Carolina will follow up a great performance with a terrible one as they have all year. Prediction: Chicago 24 Carolina 10

Pitt at Indy: The Steelers were blown out by the Colts in the regular season. This game will be closer, but I still see the Colts prevailing at the end (but not covering). Prediction: Colts 34 Steelers 26

Playoff predictions

2006-01-07T11:41:00.000-05:00

Later I will dissect my hits and misses for the season, but for today, its time for a quick synopsis of how I feel the playoffs will shake out.

Washington at Tampa Bay: Tampa starts Chris Simms. Washington starts Mark Brunell. Brunell has playoff experience. Simms does not. Washington will bring some funky blitz schemes at Simms and Simms' 2-3 turnovers will be the difference. Washington wins outright behind Portis' 125-150 yard game. Prediction: Washington 24 Tampa Bay 17

Carolina at New York: This is a tough game to call. I significantly underestimated Tiki Barber this season and the Giants have had a good season. Carolina has had an up and down season with some games where they appeared to be Super Bowl contenders and others where they played like shit. The forecast is for a rainy day in New York, and for some reason, I see Eli's inexperience and inaccuracy catching up with him. Oh yeah, the New York secondary sucks and Steve Smith had played like an animal all season. Prediction: Carolina 27 New York 21

Steelers at Bengals: This is the most exciting game in my opinion. The Bengals have a high-powered offense but have some defensive issues although they did lead the league in forced turnovers. The Steelers are going to try to pound the ball against the Bengals and mix it up with some passes to Hines Ward. For some reason, I just think the Steelers will take this one. Prediction: Steelers 34 Bengals 31

Jaguars at Patriots: The Jaguars are probably the most disrespected 11-5 team of all time. No one is giving them a chance to beat the Patriots in frosty New England. I don't either. Prediction: Patriots 27 Jaguars 10

Who do you think's in the burgers?

2005-12-29T19:53:00.000-05:00

Triple up and form the pyramid. Read the scrolls, fill your body with the herbs and bask in the knowledge. Then rise like Ramses and spread the wisdom with the world.

The thousand points of light were extinguished by the mention of the element. It fell from the heavens, not in the form of rain but dumped in buckets by minimum-wage making lackeys. Not a bad job, to douse Alanis Morisette, although she is but a poser, eh, and may end up on a meathook being carved up by a mad butcher named Barth.
Bush doesn't know either, which is why the green slime of corruption has oozed so deep within the machine that it may never run smoothly again. No simple oil change can clean out the gunk, the files have been utterly corrupted. Total fragmentation. Blacks with blacks. Whites with whites. Don't even get me started on the Mexicans. Entire towns where English is the second language. Where citizenship is the exception to the rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Then should we not be attacked? Should not our leadership be overthrown by foreign liberators? I am no fan of nuclear weapons. Why do we possess them if not to strike others? Aaahh yes, it is but our insurance policy against the infidels. Infidels against our religion of power. The immense power of our nation. Our nation's independence day is July 4th, and was a movie as well. The invaders were like locusts, spreading from world to world, exhausting the resources and moving on. Defeating the natives with their superior weaponry and using mind control. Ask the Navajo. Apache or Choctaw people if this strategy seems familiar. There are but questions. Answers are few and far between.

XXXmas greetings

2005-12-24T21:21:00.000-05:00

Christmas Eve and I am watching the James Bond with the gay killers. Highly comical. The manner in which 007 dispatches them is equally funny as he burns one up and throws the other into the sea with a bomb attached to him. I took a hiatus from the blog because I didn't really feel like writing anything since I am prevented from fucking around on here at work. Not coincidentally, my productivity has increased. The end of the year has been productive for your humble narrator as I may soon be delving into the legal profession due to my proficiency at passing a certain test without much studying. For all who read this from time to time, I hope that all is going well in your lives and that the next year will bring with it happiness and success (as well as orgies and drug binges). I certainly wish that for myself (the first part). Merry Christmas!

And you thought I was retarded

2005-12-22T17:24:00.000-05:00

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

And to celebrate, I even made a dance video.

Perspective

2005-12-13T20:48:00.000-05:00

He stared out at the tides and contemplated the futility of it all. Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, a seagull swooped down and snatched a fish from the clear water. Just a moment before the fish was frolicking in the vast sea, and just like that, its life force is extinguished as the gull crunches its bone and slurps down its flesh. Why be a quitter. Defeatist attitudes dishonor your ancestors and weaken your soul. Imagine a child born with cerebral palsy in 19th century Sudan. Would that child not give anything for the opportunities you have. FIGHT. Accomplish your goals. If you have no goals, live for the betterment of your fellow man. If that isn't enough for you, find a soulmate and live to make that person smile. Surround yourself with soulmmates; good people who deserve happiness and help them accomplish it. Christmas is not about "happy holidays", "merry christmas", or helping companies rebound with a strong 4th quarter. It is about the teachings of Jesus Christ and living (and dying) for your fellow man.

With a newfound sense of purpose, he inhaled deeply from his straightshooter and coughed heavily from the cracksmoke. He then walked quickly back to his car, ready to make some changes.

Tourney

2005-10-07T23:19:00.000-04:00

I have registered to play in the
Online Poker Blogger Championship!

This event is powered by PokerStars.

Registration code: 4879596

The code above will look like the following:

Stream of unconsciousness

2005-09-19T20:30:00.000-04:00

Back.

I'm poor. My housing project was destroyed. My city smells of feces, death, and decay. I watched my grandmother drown two weeks ago. My sister was raped by gangs one week ago. I DON'T REALLY GIVE A SHIT IF THE SAINTS WIN OR NOT. I know what we should do. Pool up all the money raised for New Orleans and bet it on the point spread tonight. Fuck it, lets take the money line. Double down nigga! Break yo self fool!

Is it just me or does the shows Laguna Beach and My Sweet Sixteen make you uncontrollably angry. I would brutally murder everyone I have ever seen on either of those shows. I wouldn't feel bad about it either. And guess what. If I find a ladybug in my house, I'll take it outside.

So we got George Bush I trying to fundraise now. Good for him. He shoulda told his senile old bitch to keep her ignorant mouth shut though. Come to think of it, he oughta tell his son that as well.

Do you think the NFL players are really talking to people on the phone. I'll bet they are talking to their friends/family/and or agents.

"You got talent"-Bert
"I got talent? So what beat me?"-Fast Eddie
"Character."-Bert

And the darkness closes in....

NFL Preview: Part V

2005-08-29T19:28:00.000-04:00

Jacksonville Jaguars: Leftwich is a decent QB, and he has some weapons to throw to. As usual, Fred Taylor's health will weigh heavily in the success of this team. Jacksonville has got a great defense against the run. In this weakened division this team will probably get a wild card berth but are not Super Bowl contenders. Prediction: 9-7

Houston Texans: I predicted this team to be a sleeper last year but was disappointed. Andre Johnson is a star in the making but this team is the definition of mediocre. Prediction: 8-8

Tennessee Titans: McNair is a warrior. Drew Bennett is a pretty good player. Norm Chow, you are a long way from USC buddy. This team will take some serious beatings this year. Prediction: 4-12

Indianapolis Colts: The Colts are once again the class of the division. The real question for this team will be how they will handle the playoffs. A Colts-Falcons Super Bowl would not shock me. Prediction: 11-5

Not dead

2005-08-28T21:32:00.000-04:00

It's been far too long my droogs, but fear not as your fearless leader will return soon to lead you deeper into the labrynth. Leave your breadcrumbs behind you or return may not be possible.

NFL Preview: Part IV

2005-08-15T14:52:00.000-04:00

NFC East

Dallas Cowboys: I used to play Madden on Nintendo 64 and the Cowboys were my squad. I only ran about five plays and they all pretty much involved Michael Irvin posting someone up or Emmitt Smith on a screen or run. Another great aspect of that game was the ability to put Deion Sanders in at WR where he was pretty much uncoverable although he did drop alot of passes. The current crop of Cowboys bear little resemblance to the dominating Cowboy teams of the mid 90's. They have a stout defense and running game but their passing attack hasn't been much. They picked up Bledsoe, but that doesn't appear to be a significant upgrade. The Cowboys will have a pretty good year though and will likely have a better record than the Eagles. Prediction: 9-7

Washington Redskins: With all the hoopla with the NCAA's attempts to ban ethnic or tribal mascots it amuses me that no one talks about the most offensive mascot of them all. Of course they are a classic team in the most profitable sporting league in America so of course they are untouchable. Look up what the word "Oklahoma" means, you may be surprised. At any rate, the Redskins have one if the top running backs in the NFL and a pretty good defense. Unfortunately, Joe Gibbs is learning that the modern NFL game is a bit different than the one he was effective in during the 1980's. That coupled with a weak group of receivers will prevent the Redskins from making much noise. Prediction: 7-9

New York Giants: Eli isn't all that great, nor is Shockey, nor is Tiki, nor is anyone else on this team. Prediction: 6-10

Philadelphia Eagles: The Eagles have some serious deficiencies that will be exposed this season. Alot depends on how the T.O. situation plays out but a great deal of damage has already been done. Unless they find a way to trade Owens for some great value or clone Westbrook the Eagles will have a hard time putting up many points this year. Prediction: 8-8

Hmmmm

2005-08-15T10:29:00.000-04:00

Sunday evening may have gone on too long when:

1. You are there for "last call" at the bar.
2. You then proceed to another bar that stays open later.
3. You drink three more red bull and vodkas at said bar.
4. An incredibly ugly and fat girl attempts to whore herself at said bar.
5. You consider it (briefly)
6. You are there for the second "last call" of the evening.
7. You proceed to the strip club.
8. Shooter girls show their oral proficiencies and simulate sexual acts on each other with a lighter.
9. The third "last call" of the evening is heard.
10. Your head hurts at work from getting less than 3 hours of sleep.

This is all hypothetical mind you.

Excitement

2005-08-12T15:20:00.000-04:00

There is little in this world that I like as much as being in Athens, Georgia on a gameday. The beer is flowing, the hotties are out in the tight red and black, and there is just an electricity in the air. I have been studying the Dawgs' schedule and have concluded that if things go correctly in the opener, we stand an excellent chance of being 4-0 going into a Oct. 8 showdown with the Volunteers in Knoxville. The Dawgs' will have an off week going into that game and should be well rested and prepared. Granted it is getting ahead of myself to think that far ahead but gaddamn it I just can't wait for some football to be played! If we can win that game, we will be heavy favorites against Miss St. and Arkansas and be 7-0. If that is indeed the case the showdown with Florida will reach epic proportions. Of course a loss to Boise St. or South Carolina would erase all my ideas of grandeur and would endanger anyone in my immediate vicinity who so much as looks at me funny. College Football is a different animal than the NFL, one loss pretty much dooms your chances of winning it all. There is no wild card. There is only next year. We should be able to run the ball on anyone this year with our three-headed beast of tailbacks along with the best tight end in college football. Git 'er done!

Edit: While surfing the web I found a picture of a friend of mine from college on a website that posts NY city parties. I had no idea he was a hipster now. Small world.

NFL Preview: Part III

2005-08-12T14:14:00.000-04:00

AFC EAST

Miami Dolphins: The Dolphins are the one team in this division that has absolutely no chance to win the division or even make the playoffs as a wild card. They have two inept QB's, an aging defense, and everybody's favorite laid-back potsmoking dred is making an appearance. Besides Chris Chambers and Randy McMichael who will put up big numbers in fantasy leagues, there is nothing interesting here. Prediction: 4-12

New York Jets: The Jets should have beaten the Chargers in the playoffs last year if not for their shitty kicker. This year they have drafted a good kicker, traded their top receiver for a similar quality receiver, and signed an elite CB in Ty Law. These moves will pay off if Curtis Martin and Lamont Jordan can keep the offense moving with their solid but unspectacular keep-the-chains moving type of running style. Barring a collapse in the running game the Jets will be in the postseason. Prediction: 10-6

New England Patriots: I have disliked the Patriots ever since their team cost me money by beating the Rams in the Super Bowl way back in 2001. I have never understood how a team with so little talent on paper could beat all the other far more talented teams. I understand now it is because of the great coaching and chemistry this team has. With that being said, I am a stubborn bastard and the smoke and mirrors end this year. To borrow from the Soup Nazi, "NO PLAYOFFS FOR YOU!!!" Prediction: 8-8

Buffalo Bills: The Bills traded away the statuesque Drew Bledsoe and are starting an unproven entity in J.P. Losman. The Bills have a very underrated defense, and only a few close losses to start the season prevented the Bills from making the playoffs and being that team that no one wanted to play. This year they will pound the football with McGahee, throw to their two good receivers Moulds and Evans when necessary, and continue to play great defense. They will get home-field advantage for at least one game in the playoffs and would be a Super Bowl darkhorse if they had an experienced QB. As it stands, they will be one of the top four teams in the AFC. Prediction: 11-5

And the Walls fell down.....

2005-08-11T10:20:00.000-04:00

She wept, not just for her sins but for our sins. The stale cornbread, the unsweetened tea, the soggy bacon. Do they not know that cornbread should be moist, tea sweet, bacon crispy? Soon they will fall to their knees, look up, and read the etching on the gate of their new home.

ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE

There is no victimless crime in my view. God is the victim. He has been insulted by your vulgar displays. Spit in the face of your creator? Vomit the life he has given to you upon him? How would you have Him respond? God ain't no sucka, he will not be played by your petty games. God ain't no holla back gurl. He will respond with some shit for your ass. And believe you me, his shit will be bananas! But god is no crack-whorish anorexic-looking singer who needs to get a tan and go back to making decent music. No sir. He is the ice-cold muthafucker who will tell you just what he is going to do to you and then do it, with there being not a damn thing you can do about it because this mutha is just too damn tough. God has a crazy streak in him and if you don't believe me then just ask Sharon Stone's husband what bit his ass and almost killed him with its deadly poison. That's right, it was a dragon. And unlike Smaug, it possesses no soft underbelly just right for a taste of the sting. God is one crazy sum-of-a-bitch. Fortunately, I've got something on him. I've got naked pictures of his mom. Want to see them? Here they are.
God is both order and the chaos, has both the scissors and the healing touch. God and Satan are brothers you see, and they rule together. We are all brothers of the flesh, and our incestuous dance grows almost as stale as the cornbread these days. Fuck the terrorists, bring on the aliens. And if we can't find any of them to kill, lets start with the scientologists. Maybe if we torture them they will tell us where to find them since they obviously know.

"Did I make myself clear Mr. Lawrence?"

2005-08-08T15:29:00.000-04:00

Go home, take a nap, eat, work out, watch some football, read, go to sleep. This will be the routine for the next couple of weeks with emphasis on the reading, working out and not putting myself in disadvantageous situations. NO MERCY, SWEEP THE LEGS!!!

NFL Preview: Part II

2005-08-05T11:27:00.000-04:00

NFC North:

Green Bay Packers: This team has traditionally been the class of the division. They still possess a top-tier RB in Ahman Green, a decent receiving core and an aging Brett Favre. Their DL isn't too bad with KGB, but the age of this team along with their porous secondary is going to catch up with them. I don't see the playoffs in their future. Prediction: 7-9

Minnesota Vikings: The Vikings finished 8-8 last year, which was good enough to make the playoffs and advance to play the Eagles in the 2nd round. Culpepper had an unbelievably effective year that was overshadowed by Manning's record-shattering year. Unfortunately, they have lost Randy Moss, although they are trying to replace him with 1st round pick Troy Williamson. The Vikings, ultimately, will be undone this year with their total lack of a running game. Tice will lose his job after this disappointing season. Prediction: 5-11

Chicago Bears: The Bears have been one of the worst teams in the NFL for the past several years. The reason for this is pretty simple: they couldn't score any points. Their defense is solid, but when they are constantly on the field because the offense can't manage to get more than one first down every two possessions or so, they are doomed. Rex Grossman was an elite QB at Florida, but has acomplished little as a pro mostly due to his inept teammates and injuries. This year the Bears drafted offense in the first four rounds, highlighted with their first round pick of Cedric Benson 4th overall. I think they screwed up by not taking Cadilac Williams but apparently the Bears think Benson is going to be their workhorse. I think the Bears are about due for a turnaround and this year they will make some nice strides. Prediction: 9-7

Detroit Lions: The Lions started strong last year, going 4-2 to start the season, including an embarrasing (for me and the city) road win at the Georgia Dome where many annoying Detroit fans were talking about how they hoped to see us in the playoffs and other such crap. A 2-8 end of their season negated all of that nonsense and placed both Harrington and Mariucci on the hot seat. The Lions are absolutely loaded on offense with a great receiving core of Charlie Rogers, Mike Williams, and Roy WIlliams. Injuries to Rogers and WIlliams last year limited the effectiveness of their passing attack, but I think they are going to put up some big numbers this year regardless if its Harrington or "fruity" Jeff Garcia leading them. Their running game should be similarly impressive as Kevin Jones has been showcasing his blazing speed (what is it with the Virginia Tech players, must be something in the water), and he averaged well over 100 yards a game throughout the last games of the season. Detroit will be dangerous this year. Prediction: 11-5

NFL Preview: Part I

2005-08-02T14:46:00.000-04:00

The sun turned the teardrop into a prism as it plummeted to the earth
shattering into a thousand miniature rainbows
until they melded with the earth
just as her father had
earlier in the day

Aight... fuck all that gay poetry shit. Let's talk about this upcoming NFL season. This will be the first of my series predicting the division winners in the NFL. Lets start with the AFC North today.

Pittsburgh Steelers: They have a second year QB in Ben Rothlessnamer, an aging RB combo in Duce Staley and "the Bus". Hines Ward, the heart and soul of their team is holding out because the team has not reconstructed his contract as they promised they would in the off-season and their policy is not to negotiate with holdouts (kinda like not negotiating with terrorists but I digress). This will cause significant disturbances in team chemistry and morale and I see a bad season for this team in a much-improved division. They will start the season out 1-3 and will never recover. Prediction: 7-9

Baltimore Ravens: The Ravens have one of the best defenses in football anchored by their murderous Inside Linebacker Ray Lewis, one of the best running backs in the NFL in Jamal Lewis, and an elite Tight End in Todd Heap. Unfortunately for them, their receiving core sucks as does their quarterback. I see a good season and a wild card playoff berth though. Prediction: 9-7.

Cleveland Browns: The Browns drafted a pretty good WR in the draft this year. They still suck ass. Prediction: 5-11.

Cincinnati Bengals: The Bengals have long been the laughing stock off the NFL. But by hiring a no-nonsense, defensive-oriented coach, and by drafting wisely the past few years, they are in a position to change that. They have a solid RB in Rudi Johnson, a potential superstar QB in Carson Palmer, and a quality base of wideouts led by Chad Johnson. But Marvin Lewis didn't focus on the offense this offseason, he instead drafted defense the first two rounds and added immediate starters with former Bulldawgs LB Odell Thurman and DE/LB hybrid David Pollack. The Bengals will rouse from their slumber this year and earn a division crown. Prediction: 10-6

Coach Reg Marin (Big Ups!!)

2005-08-01T10:25:00.000-04:00

"Shut down your operation, closed for business
leave a foul taste in your mouth like guinness
I was born to take power leave my mark on this planet
The phantom of crime rap, niggaz are left stranded."- Hell on Earth

The room reeked of piss and body odor. I tried to think back to my jailhouse experiences many years earlier, was the smell worse among inmates or the retards that I taught? No question about it, its the retards.

I didn't think it was going to be like this, I had always liked children, was patient, and felt sorry for kids who were born with special needs. It had seemed like a good fit, and the pay was better than the average teacher. Unfortunately, the job had become an endless assault on my senses and the torment I had endured the past several months had definitely warped my soul. I had been vomited on, urinated on, struck with fists and food, I had been burned when one particularly demonic sped had apparently heated up some keys with a lighter and handed them to me, saying he had found them on the ground. I still have a scar from that trick. I can also remember the retarded giggles and how he rolled around on the floor, drooling in ecstasy as I jumped around, clutching my hand.

All that was about to change. Eric Rudolph had it wrong, the problem isn't that abortion is done too little, but that it is not executed with surgical precision. It isn't the quantity of fetus' that we throw in the dumpster, it is the quality that is important. Like in Willy Wonka, the determination needs to be made whether one is a "good egg" like Charlie, or a "bad egg" like Veruca Salt. As for my class, it is a room-full of rotten, putrid eggs that not even a starving man would put in his mouth. Naptime will take on a whole new meaning today after I pass out the kool-aid that I give them for snacks. This will be a little "kool-aid plus", as Alex from a Clockwork Orange would say, and while the tards slip into their endless rest I will slip out the door and into my packed car. I'm sure they are looking for teachers in Mexico.

Demon Possession

2005-07-29T11:41:00.000-04:00

One definition of insanity is repeating the same act over and over expecting a different result. I don't really like that definition because many things can be repeated over and over with varying degrees of success: shooting baskets, bluffs in cards, hitting on girls, etc.. This definition almost equates a lack of sanity with just being stubborn. In some ways I suppose, stubbornness is a mental disorder. Perhaps my infatuation with midget clowns being anally raped by coked-up Russian wolfhounds is as well. But that is beside the point. The point is that Jeff Francoeur is doing a great job and has earned a starting position in right field for the first place Atlanta Braves. Go Braves!! (p.s. please don't blow it in the playoffs again)

bonkers

2005-07-28T10:32:00.000-04:00

The bonkers candy gushed juices that weren't really fruit but sugary concoctions of the faceless, nameless multinational conglomerate who's only purpose in this world is to amass as much land and green and off-white and especially pink printed pieces of paper as it can to gather up the boardwalks and the park places, and all the hotels but from my vantage place of oriental I can see their plan and one day the single apartments on baltic and mediterranean will erupt with the masses of tophats and irons and boots who don't have what the bonkers producers have but want it worse and will take it by cracking their 40 oz bottles on heads and then I will hop on the reading and take it all the way to aruba where I will drink mai-tai's and play cards and rape and murder young tourists and feed them to sharks because under dutch law no body=no crime and even if caught I will defend myself and win and then go visit ted bundy and laugh and laugh at how he sucks and I rule and then I will buy some candy.

Is anybody paying attention?

2005-07-22T09:29:00.000-04:00

"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachment of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations."- James Madison

Wasn't this supposed to have a sunset provision where it ended after a few years?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050722/ap_on_go_co/patriot_act

"In accordance with the principles of double-think it does not matter if the war is not real. For when it is, victory is not possible. The war is not meant to be won, but it is meant to be continuous.”- George Orwell

The strategy used to condition society is war. Gee, I wonder why they held the vote on extending the Patriot Act the day after the attacks on London.

"Why wouldn't anyone want to say the Pledge of Allegiance, unless they detested their own country or were ignorant of its greatness?"- Sean Hannity

"The nationalist not only does not disapprove of atrocities committed by his own side, he has a remarkable capacity for not even hearing about them."- George Orwell

Yin and Yang

2005-07-21T11:48:00.000-04:00

In the current state of the world, the aggression and ruthless competitive nature that marks man's brain type is no longer productive in political affairs. Women world leaders could better reach out to warring factions, open communication lines, and perhaps create a truly global community where the atrocities committed by the hands of man would lessen. Petty bickering and silly disputes (such as religion) could be squashed or at least compromised on.

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

A: Nothing, she's already been told twice.

Africa, although currently a cesspool of disease, starvation and brutal corruption, has the potential to become whatever it wants to be. While it has historically been the European community's whipping boy in every conceivable way, if we stick by the G8 summit's decision to step up aid and truly decide to crack down on the corrupt governments that infest the continent, perhaps Africa can once again rise and reach the heights it hasn't seen in centuries.

Q: What do you say to a black Jew?

A: Get to the back of the oven.

Actual Courtroom Examinations

2005-07-19T15:57:00.000-04:00

These are all actual exchanges that occurred in court......

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

I ain't sayin I beat the devil, but I drank his beer for nothin... and then I stole his song

2005-07-18T14:25:00.000-04:00

Totally in control, I lashed out with a violent whipping motion. It felt good.
I watched as the ball buzzed over the net, then quickly dipped as the topspin kicked in.
I posed for a moment, thinking that this must be a clean winner.. then my attention shifted to my opponent.
Although he had been on the other side of the court when the shot was struck, he was now almost to the ball. He moved with unnerving speed, much faster than I had ever seen him move before. While it was a hot day, the air shimmered as he approached the ball, deftly flicking it down the line.
Fuck
I ran as fast as he could towards the ball, preparing for my patented two-hander crosscourt. I began to recoil for the shot, but then I caught a glimpse of my opponent out of the corner of my eye.
He was waiting for it.
I knew that if I hit my crosscourt shot, it would be returned for a volley winner. I knew it as surely as I know my own name.
I abandoned my plan and let instinct take over.
I ripped a one-hander down the line.
It was perfect. Federer, Korda, Sampras. None could have hit a shot any better than this.
The laser shot smacked the sideline and went against the back fence with a loud clang before ricocheting into the corner of the court.
My opponent looked over to the sideline in disbelief before returning his gaze to me.
"Out" he said.

It was a beautiful, sunny day here at Emory University's tennis courts. To their right was a boy and a girl hitting balls. The girl looked Indian and had some nice tits. She had nice form but was pretty slow. Her opponent was a fat, sloppy guy with a beard who had terrible form but would occasionally rip a nice winner. Other college kids were wandered around, going on their merry little ways, many chatting on cell phones about who they had/wanted to/ were going to fuck, and where they would/wanted to get fucked up today.

But that was all in the background now, I could feel anger boil as I looked at this liar in front of me.
"What the fuck are you talking about, that shit was clearly in!" I announced very loudly.
"And that was set point, I won, you owe me $50".
"No," he said, "I call it out, the score is now deuce."
I began walking up to the net, feeling the anger rising and thinking about pummeling this piece of shit with my fists. "Pay me my $50 or I'm GOING TO TAKE IT FROM YOU." I said very loudly. I didn't even notice that everyone around us had stopped playing and was just watching us.

He merely regarded me, a smirk crossing his lips. "And just how would you do that?", he said softly, an undercurrent of amusement in his voice.
"Dude, don't think you....." my voice trailed off as I finally began to see what was going on around us. The air was thickening, becoming hazy. That isn't right though. I can't really describe in words what was happening. Things were just.... dissolving. It was like I ate a sheet of acid at once although my mind was completely clear.

I looked at the two who had been hitting next to us. They were standing and looking at us. The Indian girl's face lengthened to an impossible reptilian mask. Her forked tongue clearly protruded from her fangs?!? The fat one was turning into a gelatinous mass. His eyes were still visible in between the slimy rolls.

I began whirling around, watching with sheer terror as the foundation of my sanity unraveled in front of me, the people who had been milling around earlier had all changed, some had grown opaque wings thick with membranes and were now hovering in the air, others had sprouted additional limbs and scurried on the ground like insects.

I looked back at my opponent who I had once considered a friend. He looked the same as before, but I could tell that there was something behind him, almost as if his entire being was but a costume covering something much larger inside. "What do you want!?!", I screamed, the fear changing my baritone into a hysterical soprano, "WHAT DO YOU WANT!!?".

He merely looked at me, his head tilted quizzically to the side, the smirk still plastered on his face. I could hear the demons closing in on me, I could feel their presence drawing closer, it was not unlike the smell of hot trash, something so vile and unclean that a mere whiff of it could cause you to vomit everything you had inside of you, leaving you dry-heaving on the ground.

Suddenly it hits me, "alright", I yelled, "good call, the shot was out."

As soon as I exclaimed this, all things returned to normal. The birds were chirping and the Sun returned.

He tossed me a second ball. He looked at me and made a squeezing gesture with his thumb and index finger. "It was this close," he said before walking back to the baseline.

I made a mental note to find a new hitting partner for next time.

Inferno

2005-07-13T11:53:00.000-04:00

"I will show you fear in a handful of dust." - T.S. Eliot, The Waste Land

Their smiles did not cool the fire of his rage, the toothy grins bore it across the dry bush and kindling of the city. Mere smiles, perhaps with innocent intentions, perhaps intending to incite, but having no concept of his depth in the sea of despair. Whatever the case, it is but a footnote. The results are the meat of the story. Charred flesh to be torn apart as what little blood still coagulates dribbles down your chin, gentile reader. For if a butterfly's wing can start a tsunami half a world away, what then can be the power of a smile, here, amongst the concrete jungle of graft and greed we all inhabit. Could it start an all-consuming inferno? The answer lies in your heart, and mine.

Weird

2005-07-13T10:20:00.000-04:00

There are under 90 players remaining at the WSOP, this is less than 2% of the number that began. Of these 90, all three of the players I mentioned in my WSOP dream, Matusow, Juanda, and Ivey are still remaining. To me, that is pretty damn insane considering I have only heard of three of the other remaining players before. Raymer has taken a big hit and is below the average stack, but Matusow is #2 with 3.3 million and Ivey is #5 with 2.2 million. I can't wait till they show this shit on t.v.

My Nightmare

2005-07-12T12:01:00.000-04:00

I don’t remember my dreams that often, but I had a nightmare last night that was pretty fucking crazy and caused me to wake up in the middle of the night with a full recollection of it. It began simply enough, with myself and some friends going to some party that was in the downtown area (was kind of hazy as to what exactly we were going to), but at any rate, there was a few fairly young guys standing around wearing police uniforms. I needed to cross the street, so I walked across and a white officer told me that I was jaywalking and had to come and get a ticket from his car. I argued with him for a minute, but eventually began walking with him after he started threatening me with resisting. He led me down the street, and then began going a strange route over some fences and over into a ghetto area. It is around this time that I began to suspect that these guys weren’t cops at all. He led me to an area where there were a bunch of shady black dudes around, some of them wearing police type uniforms but it was clear that these weren’t cops.
Then the white cop who had led me here turned and walked off into another direction, not saying anything. It was apparent to me now that he had just been trying to lead me here. One guy in particular was stepping up to me aggressively and clearly was about to attack me. I went back up to a fence that was nearby and was trying to climb over it when the guy pulled out a little object that looked like a gun of some sort. He then ran up from behind and “shot” me in the back with it. The funny thing was that it didn’t hurt at all. I scaled the fence and started to run away, but this guy pursued me and kept shooting me with his little gun thing.
At some point I realized that it wasn’t so much like being shot as it was like being injected. Eventually I got away from him and ran up to an area outside a dormitory where an asian guy and a bunch of other guys were smoking from some sort of pipe device. I then somehow knew that the original guy who had been shooting me was actually injecting me with this same drug that these guys were smoking. I said something to the asian guy and he began ranting about the drug (which had no real name but I somehow knew that it was the most addictive drug ever created), and that everyone was doing it now and then they all attacked me and kept firing up their pipes right up on me to try to get me high from their drug.
So I ran, but the whole world was full of people trying to light up this shit right up on me or shoot me with these little gun things that injected me with the drug and I couldn’t get away. Then I finally woke up and realized that this was some fucked up shit and my brain was trying to tell me something. Usually when I have nightmares it involves me having killed someone and I just keep thinking that my life is over as I knew it because I will be going to jail. I’m pretty sure I know what the deal is with those dreams: stop doing dumb shit or your life will be over. As for this one, my interpretation is pretty much the same. I know the dream seems pretty silly as I described it but as I was dreaming it there wasn’t much funny about it.

On another note, Greg Raymer is currently the chip leader at the WSOP main event with only 160+ players remaining out of the original 6600. Phil Ivey is also in the top 10. That is pretty damn amazing.

My Dream

2005-07-08T11:23:00.000-04:00

Scene: Final Table 2006 WSOP Main Event

Norman Chad: "Well this has been an exhibition in unorthodox poker from cantseefade so far. He has built a huge chip lead after calling Phil Ivey's all-in bet without even looking at his cards. In fact, he didn't even watch the flop as he was too busy downing Irish Car bombs with Shana Hiatt and other friends in the audience."

Other dude: "I have never seen anything like this. The rest of the table is stunned and the crowd is going absolutely crazy."

Cantseefade: "Hey hoes, anybody raise me for the rest of the tourney and I'm gonna break you, you hear what I said Juanda and Matusow?"

Other fish at table: "mumble mumble"

Cantseefade "Don't make me raise up on you bitches, we can play cards like gentlemen or we can get into some gangsta type shit."

Here is a very interesting story by an otherwise worthless writer.

Adventures in Hyrule

2005-07-08T10:20:00.000-04:00

So I was soulstorming in the street the other day when I fell into an open manhole and that's where I met Splinter who was just a big rat but he knew how to fight and bite, he called it karazy and then he would wrap himself in a big towel like he was tired and be about to leave the stage but then he would throw it off when the band played and come back and drop some of those funky-fresh moves and the crowd would go wild and he would say he feel's good and elude the police but get arrested and serve his time and play music with the cop who arrested him and hire the D.A. who convicted him, and then I said you're not Splinter, you're James Brown and he looked at me real hard and said "shhhhh.. it's a secret to everyone", and then I bought the blue candle for 60 rubies and stabbed him and ran off before the fireballs could hit me.

Regicide

2005-07-07T16:01:00.000-04:00

Once there was a king who lived inside his own head.
His cries and fists couldn't free himself from his bony prison.
He died there.
Trapped.
The rotting flesh poisoned his head and drove him mad.
One death led to two.
Or did it?

My evening/early morning

2005-07-07T11:22:00.000-04:00

1. Was up 14 points on the field at trivia with one question left where you can wager up to 15 points.
2. Came in 2nd at trivia.
3. Choked at Golden Tee golf.
4. Ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while.
5. Spilled my beer all over a table.
6. Drank a free shot in a bar with no power.
7. Drunk dialed a beautiful girl I met this weekend at 2:48 A:M.
8. Went to sleep.*

* denotes don't remember doing

Writing crap beats working

2005-07-06T15:30:00.000-04:00

The G8 conference will play out thusly: Blair's African relief plan will be accepted, Bush will refuse any concessions on Greenhouse gas emissions and will make hollow promises about alternative technologies. The U.S will renege on our promise to double African aid and will instead spend trillions on building more weapons. The world will question us about Iraq and we will blow them off. Protests will occur the entire time. The summit will end with everyone claiming it was a moderate success. AIDS and malaria in Africa will continue to mount.

Rehnquist will die/resign before Bush leaves office. Alberto Gonzalez will be nominated for the Supreme Court along with an even more morally conservative Justice. Scalia will become Chief Justice. Roe will stand but the Court will become more divisive than ever before and civil liberties will be severely limited.

One time I got so far in Ms. Pac Man that the ghosts didn't turn blue at all when you ate the power dots, instead it triggered them to all come directly at you. I got about 10 levels farther after that.

Things I like:
1. Topspin lobs
2. Large, firm breasts,
3. Honeydew melon

Things I don't like:
1. Loud people with New York/New Jersey/ Boston accents
2. Cigar smoke
3. Slugs

The same words have been spoken.
Every action mimicked before.
The cycle is never broken.
So our potential never rises above the floor.

FREE LITTLE KIM!!!!

Ode to Natalie

2005-07-05T15:45:00.000-04:00

“Do I contradict myself? Very well, I contradict myself. I am large; I contain multitudes.” – Walt Whitman

The steady torrent couldn’t wash the heat off the air. Even protected by the screened-in porch from the direct path of the rain, its essence still flooded her, drenching her skin with its sluggish, wet heat. The plants and trees twitched and shuddered from a million locales as the water relentlessly beat upon them. She rose from her chair, opened the screen door, and walked under the rain. It was almost like being in a huge, warm shower. Xhibit could blow up her ride and Ashton Kutcher could grind her family into chili, and the room raiders could steal her shit and leave and she wouldn’t care.

She needed no shelter from the storm. Nothing could harm her.

So she walked off into the yard. Later that night they looked for her, the search went on for weeks, far after the rain had ceased. But she was gone. She had achieved her goal.

She was the storm.

Movie Review: Over The Top

2005-07-05T14:34:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend, one of my personal favorite movies of all time was shown several times on some of the various HBO channels. This film is highly underrated and clearly belongs on the list of top #100 films of all-time. You have the heartwarming story of an arm-wrestling truck driver named Lincoln Hawk who is asked by his terminally-ill ex-wife to pick up his son from Military Academy and drive cross country to visit her in the hospital. The main antagonist, her father, hates Hawk and wants him to have nothing to do with the boy.

The reason why Hawk left his wealthy wife and abandoned his son are unclear, but Hawk admits that leaving”…was a mistake, I admit that.” He later makes references to how her father was “tearing us apart,” but like so many other great films, it is what it doesn’t tell you that leaves you wanting more.

As they drive to meet their gravely ill loved one, Hawk and son have spats, but soon bond as Hawk bets money on his son beating a mullet wearing kid at arm-wrestling at a diner and allows him to drive his huge rig on the road. The good times end however, when they arrive at the hospital to find that she has already died.

The child is then abducted by his grandfather, and an enraged Hawk drives his rig straight through an iron gate and into the mansion where the boy was being kept. After his subsequent arrest, Hawk is offered a one-time only deal: sign custody over to gramps and leave town and all charges will be dropped. Hawk has no choice but to agree, and then does what any sane man would do: drives to Vegas, sells his truck for $7,000 and bets it all on himself at 20:1 odds on winning the World Championship of Arm Wrestling.

There at the Championships, Hawk meets the Four-Time defending champion Paul Hurley who has not lost in Five years and whose arms look like massive tree trunks. Undeterred, Hawk wins several matches in the double-elimination format before finally losing to a competitor named John Grizzly who drank motor oil, ate a lit cigar, and was wearing a camo t-shirt with the word “FUBAR” on it, which off course is the abbreviation for “Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.” Such subtle wordplay is part of what makes this movie such a true classic. That and moments like when the black competitor who was representing the Teamsters lost to Hawk in one second and then cried about how he was being cheated and tried to fight Hawk. Great stuff.

Although all of these scenes were great enough on their own, my personal favorite parts were the candid interviews they spliced in with the competitors as the event went on. Most of the competitors were surprisingly articulate, including Hurley who described how what he likes to do is drive trucks and break arms, “its what I like to do, its what I do best.” Hawk likened himself to a “machine… a truck,” when he turned his hat backwards and began a match.

In the climactic showdown between Hawk and Hurley, the dimunitive Hawk improbably defeated the Goliath-like Hurley, thus adding to the legend of the film with a shrouded Biblical reference. Like King David before him, Hawk ruled his kingdom from then on with his son at his side, only Hawk’s kingdom is that of greasy drivers, open roads, and meth-addled rednecks who like to arm-wrestle.

A view to a kill

2005-06-28T21:42:00.000-04:00

I am just a country boy and not real tech savvy. This is just a test since blogger made posting pics much easier.

Ten Bars

2005-06-28T11:47:00.000-04:00

Big month for me. Shit will either come together or fall apart.
I need to relax, I need to spring for a good massage.
I hope the Hawks trade our draft pick and get Hakim Warrick and Jarret Jack in exchange.
Bobby Cox is one of the top three managers of all-time.
Karl Rove deserves a good beating followed by exile.
My last post was influenced by both Stephen King and South Park if anyone gets the references.
I don’t see how people continue smoking blunts everyday, my lungs can’t take that shit anymore.
I want to buy some throwing knives.
I am accurate with throwing knives.
I would not miss Karl Rove’s fat head with a throwing knife.

The Power of Prayer

2005-06-27T10:28:00.000-04:00

You have brains in your head.You have feet in your shoes.You can steer yourself any direction you choose. – Dr. Seuss

Far below the stained glass and other decorative frivolity of the church was its true epicenter. Here, closer to their true God, they made their offerings to HIM, and were rewarded through HIS boons. Tonight was a special night, for HIS thirst was vast, best satiated by the blood of the innocent. The child had been “rescued” from a crack-addict prostitute living in a nearby tenement. The mother had supposedly been gang raped as a punishment for taking the night off and that was when the child was conceived. It would otherwise be impossible to distinguish the father but this attack had left her hospitalized for a month. She would be found dead in the morning thanks to the “hot shot” that they had provided her, but the child would never be found.

He cried as his flesh touched the obsidian altar. The chants from all around him, while low and melodic, did not soothe the child. Perhaps he could sense the spirits of the countless others who had died in the exact same place over the last millenia. Perhaps he was but tired and alone. The rites were performed and the blood ran down into the canals carved into the floor. The fire flickered in the mirrored surface of Soth Nasooth’s Reptilian eyes.

The next morning the Mass centered around the need for humanity and to treat well those around you. Father Callahan could still taste the blood he had drank the night before. Thankfully, the Communion wine failed to wash away its succulent flavor from his palatte. The collection plate did not disappoint. Things were proceeding well.

My girlfriend and I went on a picnic. I don't know how she did it, but she got poison ivy on the brain. When it itched, the only way she could scratch it was to think about sandpaper. –Steven Wright

...now, if that's a fact, tell me, am I lying?

2005-06-24T16:03:00.000-04:00

From my June 3rd post:

While this would be reason enough for such a publicity stunt, I see an even more sinister motive. I think that Cruise wants the spotlight on him so that he can attempt to draw more people into Scientology. You know, the "religion" that is banned from several countries due to the fact that it is really a cult created by L. Ron Hubbard that teaches about alien overlords that control our galaxy and other such nonsense. I mean shit, if people are too stupid to see through the logical fallacies and lies that the U.S. government has been spewing for the past five years, why would they doubt Maverick?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8333804/

Vinnie's evening

2005-06-21T12:24:00.000-04:00

His spittle was flecked with blood as he spit in my face.
I responded by laying his leg across a chair and hitting his knee with a sledgehammer.
“Kneecapping,” the kids like to call it.
I had never heard a man scream that high or that long until I did it.
Now I have.
The fight was pretty much out of him after that, and that’s too bad.
I had admired him. He had balls.
Now he’s just a crippled corpse with a bullet in its head.
Ce la vie.
The fettucini was marvelous at Magliano’s.

Six times

2005-06-20T23:31:00.000-04:00

The buyer's insolvency does not negate the obligation to the seller unless the original contract was void to begin with because of unconscionability issues.

That boy is crazier than a shithouse rat.

I wish Pai Mei would teach me the five-point palm exploding heart technique.

Pocket QQ's six times tonight in the MTT (cracked 2/6), finally beaten by AKd that flopped the flush. Never got the Rockets. 533/2000

IFC is showing a great documentary of the filming of Land of the Dead.

Time for Aqua Teen then bedtime. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Humpty Dumpty

2005-06-20T23:27:00.000-04:00

The mirror has shattered
A thousand pieces of yourself stare up at the whole
If the mirror could be made whole again
Would you want it to be
How much of you would you trim away
Before you yourself
Are not yourself
But someone else
Watching

Congratulations Josh!

2005-06-17T13:32:00.000-04:00

I just discovered that Atlanta resident Josh Arieh (3rd in last years WSOP main event) took down event #12 of this years series, taking home $380,000 and some change. Good job representing the Dirty Dirty man!

The Game is to be sold, not told

2005-06-17T11:54:00.000-04:00

I've got a really good idea for a story but I can't yet figure out how to write it real well. It involves a scene with nude young girls and excessive drinking and fucking. As it goes on, it becomes increasingly clear that this is a dream sequence. Then the dreamer wakes and is told by his assistant that he needs to prepare for the mass he is to lead in an hour, "your excellency". Get it? He's the Pope. And he just had a dream about fucking some teenagers. Maybe I'll write it soon. And forget that you read this.

*italics denote good google search phrases*

Peaches and Pears

2005-06-17T09:59:00.000-04:00

At the arcade playing Golden Axe he plotted her demise. His magic was weak but he had alot of health and the best weapon. I never thought I'd die fighting next to an elf but next to a friend I can do. BFWB. Screen on the green is for the birds and reefer madness would be a good choice to show. Birth of a Nation as well but most wouldn't get the joke. Fuck em. Get 'er done. What if a werewolf bit a vampire or vice versa. Underworld style? Probably nothing since they don't exist. Could Danger Mouse take out Mighty Mouse? Dr. Claw is a chump. Satan is my motor. Or so it seems.

I never want to hear you say..... I want it that way

2005-06-13T22:40:00.000-04:00

J10 beats 22 which beats AK which beats J10
Riots were avoided today by a 46 year old alleged child molester going free
A fat Irish man ended Tyson's career
What if there were multiple "big bangs" in the void of the multiverse and and some point, at some place, they could bounce off each other and unmake what they created
Fuck Colorado and John Elway
Fuck the Texas Rangers and Oakland A's
You know what show I used to really like? The great grape ape.
Cannibalism is a real solution to world hunger
Gladiatorial Games is an untapped multi-billion dollar market
A blessing on all who read these words

My once mighty empire

2005-06-06T10:49:00.000-04:00

I was the king of four-square. While it was my skill and relentless ruthlessness that raised me to these Olympian heights, it was my arrogance that was the seed of my demise. I controlled the one-square, I made the rules. Slams, Jams, bobbling, carrying, tea party, isolation, all of these weapons were at my disposal at any time. If I was late to recess, people would automatically eliminate themselves so that I could reclaim my rightful place in seat one. There was but one ruler of the four-square court during fourth-grade recess that year, and it was me. One man dared to challenge me that year, he had been rabble-rousing for quite some time attempting to get others to turn against me, but I rebuffed his attempts and slammed him out of the game countless times. My taunts undoubtedly rang in his ears as he trudged to the back of the line. Eventually though, people began to listen to him and one day we played a point where he caught my slam and then eliminated me with a mighty jam. I was then the pariah of the four-square world, and others attempted to eliminate me at every opportunity from then on. The declaration of four-square was written, and recess was never the same. My kingdom in rubble, its specter existing only in my mind.

Random cantseefade quote of the weekend:

random cute girl at party: "Why is everyone being so nice to me?"
cantseefade: "Look around you, you are an attractive girl and everyone here wants to fuck you."

Random link featuring Jessica Alba in a seethrough dress. Sweet!

Obligatory Celebrity gossip

2005-06-03T09:51:00.000-04:00

I don't understand these infatuations with celebrities. Sure many are hot bitches and they all have a lot of cash, but that has nothing to do with the people who waste money on magazines and waste their time reading and watching television about these vapid, pampered, loudmouths. With that being said.....

Want to hear something I thought about the other day? I had heard that Tom Cruise had been having his "people" put their feelers out for hot young actresses for him to pursue a few months back. The number one girl on his list was Kate Bosworth who apparently was not interested. Number two was Jessica Alba who was similarly disinterested. So the third attempt was the charm for our middle-aged cult member who turned his affections unto the cute, innocent seeming Katie Holmes who had girlishly told Vogue magazine "I want to marry Tom Cruise someday."

Apparently his advances have proved effective as he has been seen making out with and spending time with young Ms. Holmes at every opportunity. Many think that Cruise is gay and that this is just a sham. That could be true, although I doubt it. I think that the real reason for this relationship, as well as his infamous Oprah appearance where he basically acted like a damn fool stems from another reason.

I think that all this is a ploy to get Cruise back into the public consciousness, where he had pretty much fallen out of as he is getting old and hasn't really had a hit movie since The Last Samurai. Banging Katie Holmes definitely placed the spotlight back on Cruise.... just in time for his upcoming summer blockbuster War of the Worlds. While this would be reason enough for such a publicity stunt, I see an even more sinister motive. I think that Cruise wants the spotlight on him so that he can attempt to draw more people into Scientology. You know, the "religion" that is banned from several countries due to the fact that it is really a cult created by L. Ron Hubbard that teaches about alien overlords that control our galaxy and other such nonsense. I mean shit, if people are too stupid to see through the logical fallacies and lies that the U.S. government has been spewing for the past five years, why would they doubt Maverick?

"Sooner or later we'll all see who the prophet is."- Nas, Nas is like

Here is an excerpt from my post on February 16:

At any rate here are my bold midseason NBA picks.

Eastern Conference Finals: Miami over Detroit 4-2
Western Conference Finals: San Antonio over Phoenix 4-1
NBA Championship: Miami over San Antonio 4-3

All I got to say is go Heat on Saturday!!

Death of a Salesman

2005-06-02T13:41:00.000-04:00

So there I was, perfectly relaxed and content in my home. I was cooking up some Black pearl on the stove and listening to "Dez only one" by the Witchdoctor when I heard the doorbell ring. I was right in the middle of singing along with Andre on my favorite verse of the song:

The Sun shines
The Moon Glows
The Wind Blows
The Rain Falls
But that ain't all
My heart pumps with a rhythm yall.....

....and this unexpected disturbance broke my timing.

I had just caught back up with the rapid-fire delivery when the doorbell rang again. An involuntary growl rumbled from my throat and I eyed the rack of carving knives to my left. Della Reece's classic line from Harlem Knights resonated in my head "Now I got to cut cha, thats the rule." I placed my spoon next to the stove, selected the cleaver from the rack and started towards the front door. Halfway there the doorbell rang again. Muthafucker must be impatient to die, I thought. I flung open the door and saw it was some middle-aged white guy with a briefcase. "Hello sir, may I interest you in some...." He never finished what he was saying because I stabbed the knife into his chest as hard as I could. I am a pretty strong guy but this fucker must have had a titanium breastbone or something cause I could only get it in about 3/4 of the way to the hilt. I could feel the bone splintering as I did it though. He gasped for a couple of seconds and then fell backwards.

I dragged his body inside after I had put some plastic down and then went through his briefcase. Here's the kicker: HE WAS TRYING TO SELL ME LIFE INSURANCE!!!!
I had a few hours of laughs about that one after I shot up. I hope he bought some of his own!! Man that's funny. It more than made up for me missing out on my song. I just requed it after all had settled down. Yep, I rule.

In Theatres June 24

2005-06-01T15:39:00.000-04:00

This is going to be awesome!

My All-NBA team:
PG Lebron James
SG DeWayne Wade
C Shaq
PF Amare Stoudemire
SF Tracy McGrady

This rain ain't bothering me now cause I'm working and shit but it better cease soon. You heard what I said there God. Better listen up or there will be consequences and repercussions. I'm just saying tho.

Cracksmoke

2005-05-31T15:15:00.000-04:00

The words come like burners out the clip
Shreddin your mind with a flip of the lip
The Ice, the brilliance, and the grime
Gotta leave Gucci Mane out this verse cause orange dont rhyme
The world watching and waiting like the future is promised
Like folks in the sandbox wondering when they goin bomb us

Teddy Grahams or Teddy Ruxbin?
My little buddy or Chucky?
Speak and Spell or Simon?

I have discovered a couple of positive characteristics to working with the obese.
1. You can hear them coming.
2. On party days (like today) they bring good food and lots of it.
3. If aliens, lions, zombies, or bears snuck in and tried to eat everyone I would be the least appetizing and could get away faster.

Three Square Meals

2005-05-31T12:51:00.000-04:00

They think they know but they have no earthly clue. It wasn't Peacock in the hallway with the rope bitch, it was the muthafucking wrench. She clubbed his skull and scrambled his brain and then Evette cooked it while her titties bounced around and everyone ate the skillet of Mr. X's brains and laughed and drank mimosas and bloody mary's and had a delightful breakfast.

The refried beans and chimicangas would have tasted better with the rain water. Of course that is because the rain water on this planet resembles the nacho cheese here on earth. And there was no one sitting down to eat these perfectly cooked beans and chimicangas with tasty shredded beef bubbling beneath the flaky flour crust. And why is this? Because the wind had been blowing before the rain. And the wind on this planet most resembles razor blades on ours.

For dinner he curled up with a hot pocket and watched queer eye on Bravo. He contemplated the ridiculousness of our culture and how we had to be in some sort of decline. Then again, if our civilization had peaked, at what point would that have been. He didn't know. People were for the most part good people and left each other alone. It was just that sometimes people were so cruel and tried to force their ideas on him. He had been beaten up many times in his life. After he finished his hot pockets he prayed to Lucifer for the strength to carry on and went to bed.

Why people are obese: Part one

2005-05-26T16:00:00.000-04:00

I work in a two-story building. We have an elevator about 20 feet from a large stairway. The elevator is very slow. I would estimate 60% of employees take the elevator when going upstairs. 'Nuff said.

Zen story and assorted crap

2005-05-26T10:36:00.000-04:00

There once was a village in China. A monk lived by himself outside of town. The monk kept to himself, and only came into town to buy supplies for himself and his animals from time to time. One day a young girl from the town discovered that she was pregnant. Her parents were enraged and demanded to know who the father was (they didn't have Maury Povich back then). The weeping girl told her parents that it was the monk from outside of town. After the child was born, the parents went to the monk's house and presented the baby to the monk, cursing him and demanding that he take care of his child. The monk listened to all they had to say, and accepted the child with but a single sentence, "Is that so?"

From then on the monk took care of the child, he came into town to purchase supplies for the baby. The townspeople, who had liked him before, now shunned him and hated him for what he had done. His reputation was shot. Nevertheless, the monk cared for the baby and never said anything about it.

Years later, the mother confessed to her parents that a local boy was the father and that she had never been with the monk. Upon hearing this, the family went to the monk's house, apologized profusely, and asked for the child back. The monk listened to all they had to say and handed the child over with a single sentence, "Is that so?"

(this is but my poor paraphrasing of a story that appears in this book)

Congratulations to Kyle Davies and Dwayne Wade. Davies may be just what the doctor ordered for our injury-riddled pitching staff and Wade may give LeBron a run for his money as far as being "the truth" in the NBA.

Season-finales of all these Network shows.... *yawn*. Bring on some new Aqua Teen, Insomniac, Sopranos, Ali G, Curb your Enthusiasm, and Football and I'll watch. Until then fuck all these shows. Trisha Underwood wins American Idol.... whoopdee fucking doo.

South Carolina and UT players fight, steal, smoke pot, and get locked up. Some UGA players fight, drive poorly, and smoke pot and get locked up. The difference is some UGA players also save lives. Funny how these sort of stories get buried while the bar fights are front page stuff.

In light of my little post yesterday (which of course could fill several books if fully expounded on, as has been done by authors far greater than I) I found this little tidbit concerning Pat Robertson particularly amusing/troublesome depending on if you believe the world really to be worth saving.

Until our next installment, As sala'amu alaikum.

The End of Days

2005-05-24T00:40:00.000-04:00

"I think God wants me to be President" - President George "Dubya" Bush

Religion and Mythology. Assuming a difference between the two, how did they come to be? The common answer is that they were bourne of Man's need to understand the world/universe around him. Common questions concerning this are "Why am I here?", "What created all this?", and "What happens when I die?" The ancient Norsemen believed that the Gods would battle the their foes in the battle of Ragnarok, Babylonians believed that Marduk would slay Tiamat and found Babylon, and thousands of years later, a book was written that decried Christ would return one day and defeat the Antichrist, and the world would be reborn in blood.

Pretty fanciful stuff huh? Not so to many evangelical Christians who have been discussing how close we are to this final battle. And while no one can tell just what is the day when "the shit is gonna hit the fan", it appears that to many, it can't come soon enough.

Evangelical puppets like Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell continuously preach that we need to crush the terrorists, call Islam a "backwards" religion, and reinforce the need to allow Jews to control Jerusalem. These views are entirely consistent with both the Old and New Testaments of the Bible (although Jesus would unlikely be so sharply critical of Islam).

What is so troubling about all this is that the Bible describes Armageddon beginning with a conflict in the Middle East and that Jesus would not return (i.e. everybody dies) until the Jews were back in the Holy Land. It would seem that our interests in that area would be creating exactly the sort of conflict described in the Bible as leading to the end of the World. And who is the world leader who has led two attacks in this region- George W. Bush. Good ol' born again W. Leading us in the summer blockbuster Crusades II. Only this time the special effects are better. How much better? Just you watch.

Redemption

2005-05-23T10:27:00.000-04:00

Lies emerging from vomit-caked clothes
Boiling rage spilling over, steaming in the cold night air
Sentences expertly carved to inflict maximum emotional pain
Arrogance, fear, envy, bigotry, self-loathing
Demons whispering
Their seductions external as well as mental

Rise above it all

Atop the highest peak a cauldron burns with the hottest flame
Hurdling towards this dancing fire is a majestic creature
Even with its tattered wings and battle scars it is unmistakable
The phoenix returns to the fire, and is utterly consumed
Only to emerge, cleansed and reborn

Rising above it all

Yeah, I'm still alive. I told ya'll I can't see fade

Let's See....

2005-05-18T10:24:00.000-04:00

If I can convince my boss that I need to go to Athens to get a buffalo chicken sandwich, a 32-oz beer, and a court document that I need.

Tomorrow I will post either one of my shitty stories or a rant about why the apocalypse is a self-fulfilling prophecy that is being perpetuated by the Bush administration, the religious right, and all these idiotic fucking terrorists. Commenters have the power to choose. Choose wisely. Or say nothing. Or slit your wrist with a rusty spoon. Or have sex with the corpse of Nell Carter. You get the picture.

Weekend wrapup

2005-05-16T15:00:00.000-04:00

-Bad poker playing
-Poor decision making
-Strippers like me
-Cheap drinks
-Keep 'em laughing
-Randoms
-Lost phone

The tree is one
but the branches
many

Props to Damian Wilkens for dropping 15 (7-11 FG's) on the Spurs this weekend. Go Dawgs.

One-Track Mind

2005-05-13T01:15:00.000-04:00

The Sun was Oppressively hot

This thought continuously wrote itself across the blackboard of his mind. He was powerless to stop it. He imagined this thought as a worm tunneling through his brain. Could it kill him? Was it a blood-sucking worm, devouring the grey matter until his head was but a hollowed-out shell? He drew upon his memories of childhood snowstorms, of sledding down frozen hills, of perfectly thrown snowballs wetly smacking against the face of his target. These were but momentary distractions however, as the relentless drumbeat of his single thought continued to pound away.

The Sun was Oppressively hot

He supposed he was going insane, as he couldn't even control his own mind anymore. He suddenly remembered the scene from the move pi when Max drills into his own skull because his thoughts were driving him insane. Then even the whisper of this memory was drowned out by the screaming monotony of this ONE FUCKING PHRASE.

The Sun was Oppressively hot The Sun was Oppressively hot The Sun was Oppressively hot
The Sun was Oppressively hot The Sun was Oppressively hot The Sun was Oppressively hot

He staggered around, his face a mask of confusion and pain, he could think no more, his thought pattern was a broken record, the mantra of his doom forever repeating. Suddenly his hands flew up to his throat and ripped and tore as best they could with his manicured nails. The thoughts slowed as his life blood seeped into the sand around him, and eventually stopped altogether.

Hours later his bloated and swollen body was found by another beachgoer and shortly thereafter the police arrived. "Damn its hot out here!", the first cop exclaimed.

NEXT REAL WORLD CAST MEMBER TO DIE ODDS:

Frankie: 2:1
Puck: 5:1
Eric Nies: 20:1
Mike "the Miz" 25:1
Neil 15:1
Karamo: 20:1

All action (up to $1000) will be covered.

This sucks

2005-05-11T15:00:00.000-04:00

I want to go to the beach.
I want to have water balloon fights.
I want to set off fireworks at night.
I want to go swimming.
I want to sit on a chair and read a book and drink a beer and watch the ocean.
I want to play drinking games and take beer bongs.
I want to look at girls in bikinis.
I WANT TO HAVE SPRING BREAK FROM WORK

Anyone got any leads on lotto numbers tonight? I would quit my job and become a pro poker player so fast it would make your head spin.

Contest

2005-05-11T09:24:00.000-04:00

As a youth I used to go out and play outside all the time. That is of course, when I wasn't inside watching shows like Woody Woodpecker, Tom and Jerry, and You can't do that on television. I also enjoyed playing video games.

Can you name these old-school video games?

1. Eaten by a grue (they only live in the dark).
2. The Red ring helps, but you can't win without the silver arrow.
3. On the final stage you can become the Golden Werewolf.
4. up,up,down,down,left,right,left,right,b,a,select,start.
5. Don Flamengo is a pussy.
6. Kano will rip your heart out son.
7. The final boss is a toad who you kill by throwing vegetables at him.
8. Gotta have the ice beam to get to the Mother Brain.
9. Alligators, Scorpions, pits, and water are all that can kill you.
10. You gotta kill the bad guys by pumping them up full of air until they pop.

I still own six of the above games and I would be happy to send the winner any of them as a prize. (Except for #5 as I still play it occasionally and consider it a collector's item). Gotta get all ten to win though.

Sport Update

2005-05-09T13:41:00.000-04:00

"Looking good Louis."
"Feeling good, Valentine." - Trading Places

Shit from the sporting front is going pretty well. The Bravos are in first place and appear to have one of the best starting rotations in the majors. Offensively, they haven't kicked things into high gear, but they are still capable of 16-0 outbursts like the one we put on the Astros last night. Andruw Jones is the only guy who isn't "pulling his weight" so to speak, but I'll give him another month or two before he really draws my wrath.

The plight of the struggling Yankees' also brings a smile to my face as I pretty much hate everyone on that godforsaken team.

NFL wise things are pretty quiet, the Falcons drafted a WR in the first for essentially the third straight year (Peerless came via trade in 2003), and although I was expecting a DL, anything to jumpstart our passing game that resembled a High School offense last year can't be too bad of an idea. I just hope Roddy White is ready to contribute immediately and that Michael Jenkins shows improvement from last year (although to be fair he didn't get alot of snaps to showcase his abilities). Hopefully Vick's STD woes will keep him home watching game film so perhaps our franchise can have our first ever back to back winning seasons. How's that for a pitiful history!

NBA playoffs have been pretty exciting and its looks like my early picks are coming to fruition. I'm not sure the Spurs are going to be up to taking down the Suns in five but I picked it so I'll stand by it for now. And congrats to Steve Nash for winning the MVP as a six foot white dude who probably can't dunk. Maybe shooting and passing do still have a place in the NBA. Who woulda thunk it?

Will O' the Wisp

2005-05-09T13:35:00.000-04:00

It was after about four hours of drinking that I noticed her. I was mainly holding court with the jesters around me, but I kept noticing her looking over my way. Her eyes seemed to radiate with some great amusement even though she wasn't smiling. She sat at a table with another girl. She sipped some sort of red drink and smoked a cigarette. On my way to the bathroom she nudged against me and whispered in my ear.

Later that night we were smoking cocaine back at her apartment. I fucked her and her friend and we stayed up all night drinking vodka and watching Brazil on television. Later we did more cocaine, fucked more and watched Maury and Jerry Springer.

Soon thereafter I lost my job and my family. I still had her though, and we were together constantly. She showed me all kinds of things I had never found before. Maybe it was because I had never looked for them.

One day I took a Frisco speedball and I never woke up. The doctor said my heart pretty much exploded. It rained the day I was buried and although some people cried, no one was very surprised.

She didn't come.

She's still up at the bar. Maybe one night you will find her as well. Do yourself a favor, walk away.