NFL Preview: Part I

The sun turned the teardrop into a prism as it plummeted to the earth
shattering into a thousand miniature rainbows
until they melded with the earth
just as her father had
earlier in the day

Aight... fuck all that gay poetry shit. Let's talk about this upcoming NFL season. This will be the first of my series predicting the division winners in the NFL. Lets start with the AFC North today.

Pittsburgh Steelers: They have a second year QB in Ben Rothlessnamer, an aging RB combo in Duce Staley and "the Bus". Hines Ward, the heart and soul of their team is holding out because the team has not reconstructed his contract as they promised they would in the off-season and their policy is not to negotiate with holdouts (kinda like not negotiating with terrorists but I digress). This will cause significant disturbances in team chemistry and morale and I see a bad season for this team in a much-improved division. They will start the season out 1-3 and will never recover. Prediction: 7-9

Baltimore Ravens: The Ravens have one of the best defenses in football anchored by their murderous Inside Linebacker Ray Lewis, one of the best running backs in the NFL in Jamal Lewis, and an elite Tight End in Todd Heap. Unfortunately for them, their receiving core sucks as does their quarterback. I see a good season and a wild card playoff berth though. Prediction: 9-7.

Cleveland Browns: The Browns drafted a pretty good WR in the draft this year. They still suck ass. Prediction: 5-11.

Cincinnati Bengals: The Bengals have long been the laughing stock off the NFL. But by hiring a no-nonsense, defensive-oriented coach, and by drafting wisely the past few years, they are in a position to change that. They have a solid RB in Rudi Johnson, a potential superstar QB in Carson Palmer, and a quality base of wideouts led by Chad Johnson. But Marvin Lewis didn't focus on the offense this offseason, he instead drafted defense the first two rounds and added immediate starters with former Bulldawgs LB Odell Thurman and DE/LB hybrid David Pollack. The Bengals will rouse from their slumber this year and earn a division crown. Prediction: 10-6