Myths Dispelled

Knowledge is Power right? Who doesn't like to become more powerful? Read and Learn as your omnipotent narrator dispels some myths for you.

1. No one cares about what happened to you at work today

People love to talk about the mundane events that happened to them during their day. Guess what? No one cares. Now if something really noteworthy happens like your boss slapping his secretary or getting caught downloading kiddy porn, that may be a topic of discussion. But if it is just the normal day to day crap, do everyone a favor and keep it to yourself.

2. You are fat because you eat too much food, not because of any other reason

Fat people are always fat for a reason- genetics, big-bones, Dr. Phil won't call them back, etc... This is all bullshit. The reason they are fat is because they eat too much fucking food and are too lazy to work it off by exercising. The truth of this can be proven by the fact that when these lard-asses get their stomachs stapled to where they can't stuff their faces like they used to without getting sick, they lose the weight. You wanna be thin? Eat less and exercise more, its pretty simple. Either that or get your stomach size reduced if you are too lazy.

3. Your singing sucks, no one wants to hear it, please shut your mouth

You ever watch American Idol? Most of those people can sing fairly well, and I still don't like to hear them. So why would I want to hear your annoying voice? Save it for the shower or when you are driving alone chachi.

4. Your dog is annoying and people wish it would go away

The relationship an owner forms with his/her dog is a complex and unique one. It is much like having a child- you coddle and speak in baby gibberish to a creature who's sole purpose is to eat, slobber, and shit. And guess what? Other people don't like your dog. Why would they? It either doesn't like them or attempts to jump up on them and slobber everywhere. Oh yeah, it also stinks.

5. It is impossible to change anyone's mind about religion

This one I can speak on from lots of experience. To me, all religion is essentially mythology along the same way that all other debunked religions of the past were. Did people really live to be 500 years old? Did "God" really do Job like that just because of a bet he had with Satan? Answer: No. Its all bullshit, but you know what, Christians, Muslims, Jews, etc.. all believe in their books and aren't goin to be swayed by reasonable thought. Hey, I can hardly blame them, if I'm wrong, I'm going to Hell, if they are wrong, they are merely stupid.

6. Your kid is crying/acting a fool in a restaurant- guess what, everybody hates you and it

So you got knocked up, huh. Sucks for you. What you have in store for you is a few years of Hell putting up with a crazy little creature who will scream and cry as it is too ignorant to communicate any other way. After it learns a little, it will attempt to disobey everything you say and will scream and cry if it doesn't get its way. Unfortunately, all of this is a Y.P. (your problem). When you take this little beast into a restaurant or movie theatre, it becomes a problem for everyone. While you may still love your offspring for acting this way, others don't. Be a good parent and stay at home or hire a babysitter. Keep your whiny child away from enclosed public places and if it does act up, take it outside immediately. No one else wants to, or should be forced to deal with it.